Beavis and Butt-head (season 10)

Beavis and Butt-head (1993–1997, 2011, 2022–present) is an American animated television series that originally aired on the cable television channel MTV. It followed the misadventures of two teenagers, Beavis and Butt-head. Season ten originally aired from 20 April 2023 to 29 June 2023.

[as Beavis and Butt-head reach enlightenment]

Butt-head: Uh, whoa! I think we like, left our bodies, or something.

Beavis: Cool! My body sucked.

Butt-head: Yeah, mine too. It never scored.

Butt-head: Uh, where are we?

Beavis: I think it's like, Arizona or something.

Buddha: Greetings travelers, and welcome to enlightenment. I am the Buddha.

Butt-head: Uh, okay.

Buddha: Let me introduce you to the others who are here. Ganesh...

Ganesh: So few humans make it here. Welcome.

Buddha: Jesus...

Jesus: Bless you, my children.

Buddha: Zeus...

Zeus: Kudos.

Buddha: And uh... Bill Gates.

Bill Gates: Hi! I've been mediating for five years.

Buddha: He also donated a lot of money to some Buddhist nonprofits.

Bill Gates: This place is neat, huh?

Buddha: A lot of money...

Butt-head: Uh, I think there's like, a strip club around here, and I think we can get in if we act all, like, mature. [chortling] Mature...

Beavis: Do they have poles?

Butt-head: It's a strip club, dumbass. They all have poles, and like, machines that make it rain, and uh... [sees a Polling Place] Whoa! Check it out, Beavis! Pole-ing Palace. Polling Palace!

Beavis: Yeah, cool! This must be it, yeah!

Butt-head: Beavis, we're about to get all up in the club.

Beavis: Boing-oing-oing-oing!

Beavis: There sure is a big line.

Butt-head: Everyone likes pole dancers, Beavis. Even these old perverts.

Beavis: Yeah, look at all these freaks. There oughta be a law, you know what I'm saying?

Old Pedestrian: [turns to look at them] Good to see you young folks at the polls. Is this your first time?

Beavis: Yeah yeah, but um, we've been intsrested in this stuff for a long time.

Butt-head: Yeah. We're like really into it.

Old Pedestrian: Well good for you, boys. I wasn't interested in any of this stuff until Ronald Reagan.

Butt-head: Oh yeah? Is she a slut?

Beavis: Yeah yeah, I bet Ronald Reagan has big hooters, yeah!

Butt-head: I bet she's in there, shaking her butt.

Beavis: Yeah, shake that ass, Reagan! Yeah! Show me what you're working with, yeah!

Lorraine: [checking on Beavis and Butt-head in the booth] Hello, you two.

Butt-head: Uh, we didn't come here for small talk.

Beavis: Time to get down to business, yeah.

Lorraine: Did you fill out the ballot slip, and put it on the box?

Butt-head: We sure did.

Beavis: Yeah, and now it's your turn. Come on now.

Lorraine: So congratulations, you've successfully voted.

Beavis: Um, we what?

Lorraine: If you filled out your ballot, and then put it in that box, then you voted.

Butt-head: Yeah, for a stripper.

Lorraine: Look, I didn't think she was a great candidate either, but she's better than the one we've got.

Butt-head: [after making Beavis look old] Okay, now go in there, and buy beer.

[Beavis slowly walks by a shuttle for a retirement home]

Bus Driver: It's time to go. The bus is leaving.

Beavis: I just have to get some beer, or something.

Elderly Man: We have to get on the bus.

Beavis: Um, oh okay, yeah. I guess that's pretty cool. [helped aboard by the driver] Thank you, son. Ahh, my back...

[the shuttle drives away]

Butt-head: [chuckling] Beavis is gone.

Elderly Man: Social security doesn't go as far as it used to.

Beavis: Yeah, no one let's us buy anything cool!

Elderly Woman: Mhmm, no they don't. And now they won't let me drive.

Beavis: Yeah, me neither! It sucks!

Pearl: [flirtatious] Hello!

Beavis: Oh hey, how's it going? I'm Beavis.

Pearl: Oh, haven't seen you before. When did you move in?

Beavis: I don't know really. They just dropped me off here, you know?

Pearl: My kids did the same. You know, there are so few men at this place, a girl can get lonely. [holds his hand]

Beavis: Um... um what?

Pearl: You know, a handsome old stud like you could really brighten my day. How'd you like to come back to my room?

Beavis: Um, okay yeah. Is there like, beer there, or something?

Pearl: [laughing] I like the way you think.

Beavis: Yeah, thinking sucks.

Butt-head: [helping Beavis back into the house] Uh, like watch your step.

Beavis: [straining] Yeah, thank you. Did I ever tell you about the time I almost scored?

Butt-head: You sure did, Beavis. You sure did.

Beavis: I almost scored... ah, my back...

Butt-head: [dragging Tom Anderson's rifle] We have a gun.

Beavis: Um, Butt-head, so what should we shoot?

Butt-head: Uh, how about everything we see?

Beavis: Oh, yeah yeah. Good idea.

Tom Anderson: You just let me know when you see a deer, son.

Beavis: [looking through the binoculars] Whoa, whoa! It's Butt-head!

Tom Anderson: Buck head? You see a buck's head? [takes aim at Butt-head, who is looking for the spent bullet]

Butt-head: That bullet better be around here somewhere, or I'm gonna kick Beavis' ass.

Tom Anderson: Oh, oh I see him! I see him right there in that brush! Real scrawny fella. [About to fire]

Butt-head: Uhh... [suddenly distracted by two deer mating with one another] Whoa! You can see his weiner! [moves just as Tom fires, scaring the deer away] They got tired of scoring.

Tom Anderson [after hugging Beavis and Butt-head]: Ugh! You boys smell something fierce, and whatever it is, it's gotten all over me-- Is that deer urine? [A buck immediately runs into him] Bwah! Oh, Lord, no!

Butt-head: Whoa! Mr. Anderson is like, scoring with a deer!

Beavis: Whoa, yeah! Deers are cool, yeah! Tap that ass!

Butt-head: Yeah. Let's shoot Mr. Anderson's truck.

Petitioner: My company wants to put in a new condo, with ground level retail, but we have to demolish this one first.

Old Beavis: Yeah, demolishing is cool, yeah.

Petitioner: It sure is. The city council's going to discuss this tonight. I hope I see you there to support the demolition.

Old Beavis: Yeah yeah, I got a sledgehammer. Should I bring that?

Old Butt-head: Uh, yeah we'll go to that. Can you buy us some beer?

Petitioner: How about I buy you a beer after you go to the meeting?

Old Beavis: Oh, that sounds good.

Old Butt-head: We're being bribed.

Council Representative: That concludes new business. The floor is now open to public comment. First on the list is Mr. Beavis.

Petitioner: You're up.

Old Beavis: [approaches the podium] Um, I'm Beavis, Your Honor, and um, I just wanna say I'm in favored of destroying this building that sucks. Yeah. [leaves to sit down] Uh, amen or something.

Petitioner: You've got three minutes and fifty seconds left.

Old Beavis: Oh, okay. [returns to the podium] Um, also, when you destroy it, I think you should burn it. Yeah, you know, with fire, yeah, and then you'll see how cool it is! Yeah, with fire! Yeah, and destroying it! And then it'll be so cool, we'll go destroy MORE buildings with FFFIRE, and then we'll destroy everything!!!

Old Butt-head: Yeah!

Old Beavis: We will just BURN...

Onscreen Text: 3 Minutes and 35 Seconds Later

Old Beavis: ... and then destroy trees, and rocks, and the schools! Yeah, yeah, the schools! They could throw rocks at the schools! And I just want to say, I think it's wrong for children to EVER have to go to school, because the children are our future, and um, and in conclusion, us, let's destroy this building with fire and bombs! Yeah! Looks like my time is up, thank you very much.

Council Representative: [clearly annoyed] Thank you, Mr. Beavis. Next is Mr... Buff-head. Please use your real names, people. You have four minutes.

Old Butt-head: [approaches the podium, and adjusts the microphone] Uh, I yield my time to Mr. Beavis.

Old Beavis: [immediately back at the podium] And then, destroy the sky!!! And the land!!! Destroy it all with FFFIRE! And then destroy the FIRE WITH FIRE!!! AND MORE FIRE!!!

Butt-head: Dammit, throwing sucks.

[as Beavis and Butt-head ring a doorbell to a fancy house they're trying to egg]

Husband: Well, hello.

Butt-head: Uh, hello. We like, need some eggs.

Beavis: Yeah. A lot of them. Please, yeah.

Wife: Eggs? Of course. Happy to help.

Husband: Reminds me of the old days when a neighbor would ask for a cup of sugar.

Beavis: Okay, give us a cup of sugar too.

[Beavis and Butt-head ring the doorbell again]

Wife: Hello.

Butt-head: Uh, we need toilet paper.

Husband: Sure, boys. Always happy to help a neighbor.

Beavis: Yeah, um, and we need a lot because um, I poop too much.

Butt-head: He sure does.

[as Beavis and Butt-head wake up in the sewer]

Beavis: Butt-head, where are we?

Butt-head: Uhh, wait a second. Here's some words. [they approach a sign that reads "Department of Sanitation"] Uh... De... De-deb... Deborah-ment...

Beavis: Saint... boobs or something...

Butt-head: Deeb... uh...

Beavis: Boob.

Butt-head: Apartment of Sa...

Beavis: Boobs!

Butt-head: Sata... Satan.

Beavis: Whoa!

Butt-head: Beavis, this is the apartment of Satan! Do you know what this means?

Beavis: Uh, no.

Butt-head: We have died, and this... is Hell.

Beavis: Whoa, really? Yes!

Butt-head: Yes!

[both begin headbanging and singing the melody of "Electric Funeral"]

Butt-head: [taking Beavis to the hospital] Uh, Beavis really hurt his testicoils or something, and I think he needs some pills, like, stat or something.

Front Desk Attendant: We'll have a doctor take a look. Has he been in pain long?

Beavis: Uh, not really. Maybe a week? [Beavis passes out]

Front Desk Attendant: Oh my gosh! What happened?

Butt-head: Uh, we don't really know.

[Ten Days Earlier]

Beavis: Hey,Butt-head, check this out. [throws his slurpee on top of a convenience store]

Butt-head: That was cool, Beavis! Take a bow.

Beavis: Uh, what?

Butt-head: I said take a bow. [smacks Beavis's groin]

Beavis: Ahhh! See that's cool, 'cause you were like, "Take a bow," and then you hit me in the nads, and then I had to bend over like I'm bowing, yeah.

Butt-head: That's right, Beavis. You figured it out. Take a bow. [hits him again]

Beavis: Ahh! Oh yeah yeah yeah, I get it now...

Butt-head: Well, you're a good sport for playing.

Beavis: Oh yeah, thanks-

Butt-head: Take a bow. [begins hitting him repeatedly in the groin, causing extreme pain for Beavis]

[Back in present day]

Butt-head: It is a mystery.

Butt-head: [as Beavis awakens in the hospital] You're awake. Good job.

Beavis: [covering his groin] No no! [nothing happens] No, wait... aren't you gonna smack my nads?

Butt-head: Not until you're better, Beavis.

Beavis: Oh, okay, cool. Thanks, yeah...

Butt-head: ... Are you better?

Beavis: Not yet. I think they're like, giving me fluids...

Butt-head: Fluids. [both cackle]

Other Patient: Keep it down, I'm trying to sleep!

Butt-head: Shut up, buttmunch. This guy's balls are all messed up. If this wasn't a hospital, I'd make you take a bow.

Butt-head: Feeling bad sucks.

Beavis: Um, Butt-head, I was wondering like, do you think it would cool to do it with an octopus?

Butt-head: Uh, no.

Beavis: Yeah yeah, me neither. I don't know why I said that. That's weird.

Butt-head: Uh, Beavis... I'd probably laugh about it eventually, but it would have sucked if I killed you by hitting your nuts.

Van Driesen: George Washington and the founding fathers were farmers, m'kay? And the main crop they grew was tobacco.

Butt-head: Whoa! You can grow cigarettes?

Van Driesen: Well, no, but you can grow tobacco, m'kay?

Butt-head: [amazed] You can grow tobacco...

Van Driesen: Yes, tobacco is a plant. It grows from seeds like any other plant.

Beavis: Whoa! Cigarette seeds! That's cool.

Van Driesen: [sighs] Guys, it's April. We're supposed so be up to the Vietnam War. Now, as I was saying, tobacco was America's first cash crop.

Beavis: Yeah yeah, get cash and money!

Butt-head: Beavis, we've heard enough. Let's grow tobacco, and get cash money like that dumbass, George Washington.

[as Beavis and Butt-head pick up cigarette butts]

Old Man: It's good to see two young people cleaning up all the litter around here. There's a receptacle right over there, boys. [points to a cigarette disposal can]

Butt-head: Whoa! Cool. We're gonna be rich! [they begin stuffing their pockets with cigarette butts]

Beavis: I can't believe these dumbasses just left these around and didn't know they were seeds. They really suck at farming.

Butt-head: Beavis, everybody sucks at everything.

Beavis: You know, I wonder if George Washington ever scored.

Butt-head: Of course he scored, dumbass. He's rich, and he's got his own cigarette trees. You should think before you open your mouth once in a while. [Beavis eats a cigarette butt] Dammit, stop eating the seeds.

Beavis: Sorry, it's like, I ate one, and now it's like, I just can't stop, you know? It's like I'm addicted to seeds, you know what I'm saying?

[after they've destroyed a community garden, and emptied their trash can of cigarette butts]

Butt-head: There we go, all done.

Beavis: So um, when will they be ready?

Butt-head: Patience, Beavis. The cigarette tree takes many seasons to grow. [Beavis eats another cigarette butt] Uh, how many of those did you eat?

Beavis: I don't know. Probably like 80. [eats another one]

Butt-head: Dammit, Beavis, each one of those was gonna be a whole cigarette tree. You ate like 80 trees.

Beavis: Sorry, sorry. Just one more to help me relax. [eats more cigarette butts] I'll stop tomorrow.

Butt-head: Dammit, Beavis, now we gotta go find more seeds, or we're not gonna get rich enough.

Beavis: Oh yeah yeah. Good idea. I'm like, craving finding more seeds.

[after getting beat up by the community gardeners]

Butt-head: Tobacco sucks.

Beavis: That old lady kicked my ass so hard, the doctor said I have a tumor on my tongue. And it increased my risk of heart disease.

Butt-head: Yeah.

Beavis: And also like, a low fetal birth weight or something. I don't know.

Butt-head: Well we certainly learned a lesson today.

Beavis: Yup, we sure did.

Butt-head: The reason George Washington is dead is some old ladies kicked his ass and gave him cancer.

Beavis: And that's why we're the greatest country on Earth.

Old Butt-head: [as their car gets towed] Uh, what's the problem, officer?

Police Officer: Well, your car's impounded. You have over $500 in unpaid parking tickets.

Old Beavis: In our defense, officer, parking sucks.

Old Butt-head: Okay Beavis, we need to find where they give you your license back. [they look at a long line for a driver's license] Uh, that line sucks.

Old Beavis: [they look at a long line for a firearms license] Yeah, that's gonna take forever.

Old Butt-head: [they see no line at the office for a marriage license] There's no line at that one.

Old Beavis: Yeah, let's go there.

[they enter the office]

Old Butt-head: Uh, we need a license.

Janice: Well congratulations! And how's your day going so far?

Old Butt-head: Uh, today sucks.

Old Beavis: Yeah, we just wanted to go to Burger World, but then our neighbor yelled at us, and called us creeps. And then this cop was like, "You and your kind need to get off the streets."

Janice: Oh, you poor, sweet, beautiful men. How can people be so cruel?

Old Butt-head: I know. We're just like, two guys trying to live our lives.

Old Beavis: Yeah, but sometimes, it just feels like the whole world is against us. You know what I'm saying?

Janice: Well I just know there's gonna be a lot of broken hearts when a couple of hot bachelors like you go off the market.

Old Butt-head: Uh, did you just call us hot bachelors?

Janice: Yes sir, I did, and you are, but not for long! How does getting married sound?

Old Butt-head: Whoa! Uh, you wanna marry us?

Janice: Yes I do, if you're ready.

Old Butt-head: Uh, excuse me, ma'am. I need to talk to Beavis for a second. [they leave the counter]

Old Beavis: Um, what's going on?

Old Butt-head: Don't you see what's happening here, Beavis? She wants a three-way with us!

Old Beavis: Whoa, really?!

Old Butt-head: Yeah. But she's like, old-fashioned, so we have to get married to her first.

Old Beavis: Is that legal for her to have, like, two husbands?

Old Butt-head: Who cares, Beavis? By the time they arrest us, we'll have already scored.

Old Beavis: Oh, yeah yeah. Yeah, I'd go to jail for that, yeah. Boi-oi-oi-oing! [they return to the counter] We're ready to get married.

Old Butt-head: This is the happiest day of my life.

Janice: By the power vested in me by the great state of Texas, I now pronounce you, husband and husband.

Old Beavis: Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing!

Janice: Ooh, that's the spirit!

Old Beavis: You know, I always thought being married was gonna be weird, but it's not bad.

Old Butt-head: You know, Beavis, we should have gotten married years ago.

Neighbor: Wait, you guys are married?

Old Butt-head: Yep. It just happened like, all of a sudden.

Old Beavis: Yeah, we were down at the courthouse, you know, and one thing led to another.

Neighbor: You guys have a seat. This one's on me.

Old Butt-head: We're gonna be doing it later today.

Old Beavis: Yeah yeah, that's right.

Neighbor: Good for you!

• Mike Judge—Beavis
• Mike Judge—Butt-head
• Mike Judge—Mr. Anderson

• Daria

• Official website
• Beavis and Butt-Head quotes at the Internet Movie Database