King of the Hill (season 9)

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King of the Hill (1997-present) is an American adult animated sitcom that aired on Fox. The show centers around the Hill family, whose head is the ever-responsible, hard-working, loyal, disciplined, and honest Hank Hill.

Hank Hill: Dang it, I am sick and tired of everyone's asinine ideas about me. I'm not a redneck, and I'm not some Hollywood jerk. I'm something else entirely. I'm... I'm complicated!

Little girl: (as she notices the cattle coming) Look, Mommy! Moo cow!

[While staying in a time-share condominium in Mexico, Cotton comments on the quality of the bottled water in the room.]

Cotton Hill: They got the water what don't give you the hot poops!

Bill Dauterive: (Bill's card has been denied) I've got other cards, do you take Blockbuster?

Hank Hill: Why would anyone do drugs when they can just mow a lawn?

[Bobby is mocking Hank when Hank is mistaken as female on his driver's license.]

Bobby Hill: Now where did I put my pantyhose?

Dale Gribble: I'm all jacked up on America right now! Anyone want to hear me recite the constitution?

Hank: I'm not messing around! I have proven I can kick your ass while standing on a ladder!

Hank: [catching Dale trying to run from him after sending out the FBI] No more, Dale! I've put up with some giblet-headed things out of you in the past, but calling the FBI on me--that's final!

Bill: If everybody fried their food, there would be no war.

Dale: Okay, Joseph, take that stick and poke me in my once-again robust arm. [Joseph begins poking him in his bee stings] See? I don't feel a thing. [beat] Wait a minute. I DON'T FEEL A THING!

Hank: Score? Someone scored?

Lucky: Heck yeah. Aunt Peggy did.

Hank: Aunt Peggy?

Lucky: Yeah, she knocked out their blocker so Luanne could scoot past their jammer.

Bill: I'm so confused...

Lucky: See, your blockers stop the other teams' jammers. The pivot can block, jam, or counter-jam. Only the pivot or jammer can score.

Hank: But how do they score?

Lucky: No one really knows.

Hank: Dang it, Bill, why won't you reason to reason? All right, Dale. Help him.

Dale: Wait. Is this a trick?

Hank: Nope. Let 'er rip. Just keep it clean.

Dale: Bill!! Bill, you have to be the stupidest man on the planet to think this is a good idea! Have you seen what you're wearing?! That outfit makes you look like a sequined train wreck! Look at you!! You're part of a twelve-headed jackass! This chorus is the feces that is produced when shame eats too much stupidity! You people make me envy the deaf and the blind! UNDERWEAR... MONEY... FAT...! [hunches over exhausted]