Mission Hill (TV series)

Mission Hill is an American adult animated sitcom that ran on The WB from September 24, 1999. Set in the world of teens and 20-somethings, this series follows hip 24-year-old Andy French, whose sheltered suburban teenage brother Kevin moves in with him and his roommates in a big-city loft.

Episodes

Pilot (or The Douchebag Aspect)

Kevin: Ah, so this is Mission Hill!
Andy: Don't get excited. It doesn't have anything you would like.
Kevin: Well, it looks very colorful. I think it's important to embrace as many ideas and cultures as one can. Mom, Dad and I went to see Il Postino and--
Andy: [angered] Shut up! You are so lame. Shut Up!
Kevin: Maybe you should shut up.
Andy: No, You. I'm not the one who's- [Andy and Kevin fight]
Jim: All right, you two. I'm going to pull this car over right now. [Jim does so. He then gets out of the car and unzips his fly.] What? Don't let me stop your arguing.
Kevin: I know you're gay, okay, but, like, I don't even have a problem with that.
Gus: Alright already.
Kevin: 'Cause history's full of great homos. Oscar Wilde was a homo. Alexander the Great was a homo. And do you know who else is great? You, ya big homo!
Gus: [angrily grabs Kevin by the shirt] That is a hurtful term. Please stop using it, or I'll be forced to clobber you!

Andy Joins the PTA (or Great Sexpectations)

Mr. Czelanski: Kevin is a wonderful student, good grades..." blah, blah, blah. Do you really want to hear this?
Andy: No, not really.
Mr. Czelanski: Well, we still have 14 minutes left. (he and Andy share a drink) If only more parents are like you.

Kevin's Problem (or Porno for Pyro)

Kevin: I was looking at smut. If I tell the truth, people will think I'm a pervert.
Andy: [Sarcastic] Oh, like me. Yeah, you wouldn't want people to think you're like me. Dirty old horny McWhack-whack. Far better you should send two innocent people to jail.
Kevin: They're not entirely innocent.
Andy: You started that fire? Kevin, those two guys are going to jail.
Kevin: Well, they shouldn't have robbed the store.
Andy: They took fifty-three dollars. And they could get a life sentence for attempted murder.
Kevin: I never said they set me on fire.
Andy: You never said they didn't.

Andy Vs. The Real World (or The Big-Ass Viacom Lawsuit)

Andy: Come on, I'm not MTV material. Hell, I'm barely WB material.
Kevin: You told them I was dead?
Andy: I didn't wanna come across as unsympathetic. Entertainment Weekly would've torn me apart.
Toby: Not to mention Cheers and Jeers and Picks and Pans, which would've jeered and panned you respectively.

Andy and Kevin Make a Friend (or One Bang for Two Brothers)

[Andy, Kevin, Toby, George and Tina are dressed up for the science fiction convention]
Kevin: Tina, I must say, you make a beautiful Jordie La Forge!
Tina: Thanks Kevin, that's really sweet.
Kevin: Do you even know who that is, Andy?
Andy: Yeah, he's that guy from Star Wars - I mean Trek! Star Trek!
Kevin: He said Star Wars! Lot of good an expert in dilithium crystals is gonna be in a universe of space ships powered by hyperdrives! [everyone but Andy laughs]
Kevin: I wouldn't get too involved in that program - it's almost eight, and my friends are coming over to watch Babylon Five. See. [points to a note on the side of the TV] I reserved it a week ago.

Andy Gets a Promotion (or How to Get Head in Business Without Really Trying)

Andy: I'm not a cartoonist anymore. I'm just dirty, old, raunchy McSmutbag, I run strip clubs, and date sleazy women
Shelly: Hey, How is that supposed to make me feel?
Andy: Oh, not women - woman - just you.
Shelly: Oh Andy, you say the sweetest things.
Kevin: Andy and that woman kept me up all night.
Jim: Me too.
Kevin: Does sex always sound like that?
Jim: No, they must be doing something wrong.

Kevin Vs. the SAT (or Nocturnal Admissions)

Kevin: Like I'm going to Borchmore.
Andy: Hey, we were Playboy's number six party school. And we had more fraternity drinking deaths than all of your ivy league schools put together.
Jim: And that doesn't include hazing deaths.
Pencil: Every year another sucker comes knocking. Mister i want to crack the code. It is impossible I tell you. Impenetrable. God will not be mocked!
Kevin: I got as high as double 650s.
Pencil: Hey, you mocked god.

Unemployment Part 1 (or Brother's Big Boner)

Andy: You blew all my money on this stupid car?
Kevin: It's not your money, it's our money. [Andy slaps him] Ow, that hurt.
Andy: It's not your pain, it's our pain.
Kevin: Well, Mom always said we should share. [He slaps Andy back]
Andy: I am so sick of Ron, I'm 24, my life should be about having fun, not taking crap from that bastard.
Gwen: Why don't you just attack him and get it over with?
Andy: I don't know, chalk it up to that unique mix of poverty and spinelessness. Without it, the service sector wouldn't exist.

Unemployment Part 2 (or Theory of the Leisure Ass)

Andy: (Comes into the diner in a bathrobe) I'll just have a plate of eggs, thanks.
Gus: No eggs. Ain't you read the sign? (Points to a sign that says "No Shirt, No Hat, No Service)
Andy: Gus, no one here is wearing a hat. They're all eating.
Gus: Back in the day, people wore coats and ties and hats in this place. Now look at you. You don't got underwear even.
Andy: Gus. come on. It's just a different philosophy. I'm like a modern day Buda, freeing myself of wordily attachments.
Posey: He's right. Buda never wore underpants.
Andy: And check this out - I found this movie called "Barfully!"
Posey: Andy, I think that movie is actually called "BarFLY!"
Andy: Not 'barfully' like the adjective?
Kevin: 'Barfully' is not a word, and if it were, it would be an adverb, as in 'the sewage oozed barfully.'

Kevin Finds Love (or Hot for Weirdie)

[Eunice produces the much sought-after recommendation and Kevin is overjoyed and tries to kiss her, but she rejects him much to his dismay]
Eunice: Come on chimpie, you got what you wanted, quit complaining.
Kevin: No! I mean, yes, I wanted the letter, but that was before I realized how brilliant and adventurous and wonderful you are! Andy was right all along - you are perfect for me! I don't want the letter anymore, Eunice, I want you!
Eunice: Well, people in hell want ice water. Have tons of fun with your letter.
[Andy, Posey and Jim are turned away from the new club in Mission Hill]
Andy: Damn poseurs, come to our neighborhood and tell us we're not cool enough to get into their club? Screw them!
Posey: Don't feel bad, Andy. We could start our own club and call it the Cool Club and let in everyone who wasn't cool enough for the other club!
Jim: Or, we could just open a club and not let anyone in at all!
Andy: You're mean, man, that's why I like you! [Posey pokes Andy in the eye] Owww!!
Posey: I can be mean too!

Stories of Hope and Forgiveness (or Day of the Jackass)

[Andy eats his cereal very loudly while Kevin tries to read the paper]
Kevin: Shut up! How can I read the newspaper with that deafening racket blaring out of your mouth?! It sounds like a gorilla eating a log cabin!
[Posey is meditating and is visualizing a surreal world when a floating figure appears]
Posey: Oh, hello, don't I know you? Weren't we in the fifth grade together?
Floating Figure: No Posey, I am you inner being. So, in a way, yes! But, who cares! I am here to guide you on your path of enlightenment. The way is fraught with traps and danger - [points to a canyon] together we must cross the chasm of selfishness, [points to an ugly giant] and defeat the ogre of personal deceit.
Posey: Oh wow [points to a shambling figure] and what does he represents?
Floating Figure: That's just Frankenstein! No one really knows what he's doing here. Oh well, let's get going!

Happy Birthday, Kevin (or Happy Birthday, Douchebag)

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, direct from Universal Studios Florida, it's The Blues Brothers 2000 featuring Justin Belushi and Timothy Aykroyd Williams.
Kevin: Those aren't the real Blues Brothers.
Andy: Yeah, sorry. Dan Akroyd sends his regrets and John Belushi's been dead for 15 years.
Andy: Hey there birthday boy! Look I got you a widdle cake, crappy birthday. (Kevin sighs) And look a present! Whats a birthday without a present! huh Kevin?
Kevin: [disappointed] TV word find.
Andy: No, Super TV word find see, hours of fun!

Plan 9 from Mission Hill (or I Married a Gay Man from Outer Space)

Kevin: I can't believe you've been neighbours with Gus and Wally all these years and you know nothing about them.
Andy: Yeah I do. I know they both get up at 6 a.m., Wally brews coffee while Gus reads the funnies to him.
Posey: Isn't it romantic? And then they shower together and sing college fight songs.
Jim: Then they either argue or have gay sex and then it's off to work.
Movie General: This here is a map of space, and this planet here is Pluto.
Movie Solider: Do you think that's where the man from Pluto is from?
Movie General: Maybe. Now, I have no choice but to kill him. Him, who meant us guys no harm.

Cast

This article is issued from Wikiquote. The text is available under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 unless otherwise noted. Additional terms may apply for the media files.