Murder, She Wrote (season 4)

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Murder, She Wrote (1984–1996) is an American television show, airing on CBS, about mystery writer and amateur detective Jessica Fletcher.

Eva Taylor: How was your flight across the Channel?

Jessica Fletcher: You know, I am such a diplomat. I switched from tea to Perrier halfway across.

Valerie Bechet: [after Jessica exposes her as the murderer] At first, I suspected Maxim had his eye on Eva Taylor. I even encouraged him to hire Kim so that she could keep her eye on him. I long ago surrendered myself to that man, along with my dreams. But how could I give my daughter away?

Kevin Cauldwell: [after Jessica exposes him as the murderer] In those days, Bill was my boy, the son I never had. He was roaring drunk prom night. Too drunk to drive home.

Jessica Fletcher: So you put him in your car.

Kevin Cauldwell: And we had the bad luck to come upon that man in the Corvette. Bill kept grabbing the wheel, trying to get me to turn around and take him to that diner where his friends were. Just then, the Corvette came round the bend, and Bill jerked the wheel over hard. I was worried the driver might be injured. Bill was scared and wanted to get outta there fast. He was too drunk to think straight. I swung around and went back. The door was open on the passenger side. I thought the crash sprang it open. The driver was unconscious and bleeding. Then I saw the bearer bonds scattered all over the floor from an open valise. Good as cash. The driver came to and saw me holding the bonds. That's when I panicked, Jessie. The sight of all that money just there for the taking. I didn't even think about it. I just picked up a rock, and I hit him again and again! I hadn't planned it, Jessie. But the man was dead. There were all those bonds and done was done.

Jessica Fletcher: Yes, but what about Bill?

Kevin Cauldwell: The boy idolized me. Would have done anything for me, and he did.

Jessica Fletcher: And once Bill sobered up, you swore him to secrecy in return for half the bonds.

Kevin Cauldwell: That's right, Jessie. We sat on those bonds for a couple of years and then cashed them in.

Jessica Fletcher: And allowed Andrew Durbin to spend twenty years in prison for a crime that you committed.

Kevin Cauldwell: I know, I know. It was a terrible thing. But I've lived with that secret for twenty years, Jessie. Do you understand? I guess I should've known that nothing good would've come of that money.

Oliver Quayle: What an excellent witness you're going to make. "Mrs. Fletcher, national reputation, no notoriety, Cabot Cove, Maine." The jury is going to love that rustic ... Do you have a hat? An old straw with some violets?

Jessica Fletcher: I've never owned a hat like that in my life.

Oliver Quayle: Well, never mind. Barnaby will get you one. And an umbrella. Yes, an umbrella will be a nice touch.

Jessica Fletcher: Mr. Quayle, I'm sorry, but I am not going to play a countrified character for you or for anyone else.

Judith Harlan: [after Jessica exposes her as the murderer] Patricia's appointment was not with her hairdresser. It was with me. I went out there to confront her privately with what my investigator had turned up. I offered her a handsome settlement to divorce Jim quietly, without scandal. But Patricia was not only greedy, she was arrogant, and she became very abusive. She had the audacity to hit me. I grasped for whatever was near me. It was the poker in the fireplace. And I struck her down.

Annette Pirage: So you were the one who disconnected the gas line in the basement?

Judith Harlan: It wasn't difficult. I calculated I had enough time to get back to the city before the fire consumed her.

Jessica Fletcher: And you couldn't bear to see your mother's brooch destroyed, so you removed it from the body.

Judith Harlan: I hope you realize that I never would have let Jim be convicted for something I had done.

Jessica Fletcher: Do you remember that little flower patch that we started behind the Kappa Delta house?

Reverend Mother Claire: Do I remember? While you were knee-deep in marigolds, my zinnias just quit before they even started to bud.

Marian Simpson: [after Jessica exposes her as the murderer] You think you've got it all figured out. But you didn't know what it was like coming from nothing, being shoved from one foster home to another till you finally wind up here in this crummy convent.

Jessica Fletcher: But marrying Albert Simpson changed all that.

Marian Simpson: It made me someone. And I wasn't about to let any stupid mistake that he made fifteen years ago take all that away.

Jessica Fletcher: So you killed the only person who might have been able to expose your husband's secret.

Marian Simpson: I had to. Albert never would've done it! All he did was drive around all night trying to think things through. I didn't need to think! I knew exactly what to do. I hadn't counted on her having company during meditation hour. But once I knew that she was alone, it all seemed so easy. Everyone knew Sister Emily's been taking Metolital for years. All I had to do was ... I emptied her pills into my pocket. I even remembered to bring along an old piece of Scripture that she'd copied for me years ago to leave as a note. But by then, it was nearly 11:00, so, I disguised myself in this habit. And then I took the photograph, and I left. It was nearly perfect. Until you started to interfere.

Bishop Shea: Try to impress on your dear old friend here the obligation of obedience. She is a troublemaker, you know.

Jessica Fletcher: Bishop, I'm afraid that is your problem. And a delightful one you're going to have to deal with for a long, long time.

Lydia Barnett: Mr. Osborne, we've been expecting you. And Miss...

Serena: Serena. Just Serena. Only one name. Like Ann-Margret.

Kate Dutton: [after Jessica exposes her as the murderer] I didn't want to kill him. Really, I didn't. I just went to talk to him. What he was doing was so unfair! Tom played by Duncan's rules his whole life.

Jessica Fletcher: And now his reward was being taken away.

Kate Dutton: Well, God only knows how much longer Duncan could have lasted. Tom would have been too old to be chairman if Duncan stayed on until...

Jessica Fletcher: Until he died?

Kate Dutton: I begged him to give Tom a chance. And all he did was ask me to adjust the horizontal hold on my way out. I'm not sorry I did it. I'm not sorry at all. He was a horrible man, and he just used people! He hired good men and just used them up.

Johnny Constable: Are you here, Humphrey? What happened? Somebody die?

Humphrey Defoe: Happily, John, your uncle is reasonably well today.

Pauline Constable: [to Sybil Constable, after Emma exposes her as the murderer] Oh, don't you look at me like that. You have always been the great lady. You don't know what it's like to have people laughing at you behind your back because you're a baker's daughter, and you won't be anything else. Well, I am something else! I'm the wife of the 19th Viscount Blackraven!

Ideal Molloy: Oh, look, Eve, here's a recipe for low-cal popcorn balls. And they're decorated to look like clocks.

Eve Simpson: How convenient. Next time you throw a cocktail party, your guests can gag and know what time it is.

Sheriff Amos Tupper: Well, Doc, seems your nurse was one of Jonathan's regulars.

Dr. Seth Hazlitt: Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in all my life.

Sheriff Amos Tupper: According to the logbook, if it's Thursday, it must be Beverly.

George Tibbits: [after Jessica exposes him as the murderer] Like Mrs. Fletcher said, I had gone there with less than honorable intentions. I knew the house would be open. Silly woman never locked it. She must have heard me because she came down the stairs toting a gun.

Jessica Fletcher: And she caught you taking the ticket?

George Tibbits: She was going to shoot me. I got ahold of her. The next thing I knew, she was dead. If she hadn't come ... If she hadn't come down the stairs, ten to one, ten to one, she never even would've noticed.

Frieda Schmidt: You should see what the genius in the corner office has. His last two pictures lost thirty million bucks. His fridge is stuffed with beluga caviar. Us, they send Beer Nuts.

Lewis Framm: Doesn't it bother you that Charlotte probably died in this room?

Jessica Fletcher: No, the only thing that bothers me is unanswered questions.

Donna Crenshaw: George, you are insane. That stupid stunt at the ceremonies, walking into a town meeting, threatening these people. I mean, don't you have any sense of...

George Longbow: Self-preservation? Yeah, lots, which is why no one knows where I'm staying, and no one is going to know, including you, Donna. Donna, look, my people have been bowing and scraping to the white man for centuries, and what did it ever get us? Indignation, humiliation and reservations, not to mention several dozen diseases imported from Europe. Yeah, well, it's time one of us stood up for what is rightfully ours.

Helen Langley: [after Jessica accuses her of committing the murder] It was just past midnight. Ad was drunk. He said he'd been walking up and down the beach, looking for the Indian. He wanted to hit someone, and I was the only one around, so he grabbed me. It was worse than ever. Well, you saw what I looked like this morning. I couldn't hide it. I begged him to stop, but he just kept comin' after me, and so I grabbed the knife on the counter, and I turned around, and I lashed out at him. He staggered. He fell to the floor, and he grabbed one of those chairs as he hit the ground.

Tom Carpenter: That's when she called me. She was out of her mind with fear. I found her on her knees, starin' down at that drunken piece of trash. The knife was still stickin' out of his chest. I mean, what was I gonna do? Let her go to jail for doin' the world a favor? Not my sister, no sir. Then it, you know, just came to me. The trouble at the meetin' hall. I put Ad in my truck, carried him in the side door, and laid him out on the floor. And then, like I figured, that funny-lookin' spear was left over from the meetin', and I picked it up, and I raised it over him.

Jessica Fletcher: And the wound from the lance obscured the real cause of death, the knife wound.

Helen Langley: I can't say I'm sorry he's dead. I know nobody deserves killing, but I just couldn't let him hit me anymore.

Jessica Fletcher: You know, if I read one more paragraph tonight, this manuscript is gonna start looking like one big typo.

Mark Havelin: [after Jessica accuses him of committing the murder] Every time I asked Cornelia for a raise, she turned me down. Then, when I found out about this marriage, I was going to tell her all about it. I let her know everything that happens here. Then I thought, "Don't be a fool. This is your ticket. Your golden goose, Mark." When Sandra started coming to this hotel, I saw her change from a hick computer processor into a very expensively pulled-together lady. It wasn't hard to guess where the money was coming from. I went to her room that night with a very fair offer that she split Gary's payments with me 50-50. She laughed in my face. We argued. I hit her hard. She accidentally knocked her head against the dresser and collapsed. She was barely conscious, and I thought, "Why not finish her off and have it all?" If she hadn't picked up that phone call, it would have been perfect.

Dr. Seth Hazlitt: Perhaps you could take some time off, have a bit of lunch.

Sheriff Amos Tupper: If I could take time off, I'd go to the bathroom.

Madeline DeHaven: [after Jessica exposes her as the murderer] That nickel-and-dime hustler was climbin' over me to make a name for himself. And all the while he was tellin' me ... Nobody uses Madeline DeHaven the way he did. Finding that gun in the bedroom was like an omen, a portent, Mrs. Fletcher. I didn't even hear it go off.

Dr. Seth Hazlitt: Seemed like about a million years ago. You and me and Molly.

Richard Hazlitt: We wanted to tell you, Seth. We just didn't know how.

Dr. Seth Hazlitt: So, figurin' actions speak louder than words, you eloped.

Richard Hazlitt: We hated running off like that. But when we got back, you'd already left for Portland. I guess I could have tried harder to reach you. But with my business taking off and the kids coming along and Molly gettin' sick like that and goin' so fast, I just never found the words to say I'm sorry.

Dr. Seth Hazlitt: You're sorry? Richard, I'm the one that should apologize. If I hadn't been too blind to see how Molly felt, the two of you wouldn't have had to run away in the first place. By the time I did realize it, I suppose I did a little running on my own. Even after I'd married Ruth, I still couldn't bring myself to make the first move. And now Ruth's gone too. And here we sit. Two of the biggest fools that ever drew breath.

Richard Hazlitt: What do you say we stop wasting it? [raises a glass] To us.

Dr. Seth Hazlitt: [raises his glass] You said it, Brother.

Alice Davies Hazlitt: [after Jessica exposes the murderer] You nearly killed me.

Bert Davies: No, no. No, love. Don't you see? I had it planned, down to the second. I had the key in me pocket. If Mark hadn't have found his, I would have blown it there and then. I would have opened the door and got you out. I swear it. Well, it was his fault. I saw the kind of man Richard was. Cold, possessive. King of the bloody world. And now he owned you. And he could show you off to make people think more of him. What kind of a life could you have with a man like that? But without him, you'd inherit. We could have been so happy, you and me. We was going first-class. Never needin' a by-your-leave from anybody. Would have been grand. Well, you do see? You do see, don't you, love? I was thinking of you.

Crystal Wendle: [after Jessica exposes her as the murderer] Jonathan had made unseemly advances on more than one occasion. I didn't mind killing him at all. But Uncle Eugene, I want you to know that it took all the courage I could muster.

Eugene McClenden: Crystal, why?

Crystal Wendle: Well, for the money, of course.

Eugene McClenden: But I've always treated Todd and you with great generosity.

Crystal Wendle: Oh, yes, you lorded your generosity over my husband. He has choked on your kindness, Uncle Eugene. You made him son and heir, then kept him dangling on a paltry little allowance. And I don't think we should have to wait forever for what is rightfully ours. We have a position in society to maintain.

Father Patrick Francis: Jessica, I want you to find out what's going on in that safe house, and I want you to share it with me.

Jessica Fletcher: In other words, you want me to spy on others so that you can fill their files? My answer to that is, no, thank you.

Salvatore Gambini: [after Jessica accuses him of committing the murder] Jessica, what you've been hearing about my health, it's all true. Only worse. I drink the wine for the pain, but it don't do any good. I only got a few months left. That's all.

Jessica Fletcher: Salvatore, I'm sorry.

Salvatore Gambini: Now, what are you sorry? That I'm dying? So what? That's not important. I got a family here that's not a family. You see them. Only worrying about themselves. They're not thinking about my winery, about the legacy I want to leave them. And then I figure out what can I do to bring this family together? To make them care? Then it comes to me. [He removes an envelope from his pocket] It's all here. In this letter. Who that guy was, who he was working for, and why they killed me. I figured maybe this would make the family so angry, they'd pull together to fight against this bunch of thieves trying to steal my company.

Jessica Fletcher: Oh, dear Lord.

Salvatore Gambini: It's all in the will. The winery goes to the whole family in equal shares. Nobody can sell until they all agree. All of them. But when Tony almost got killed because of me, I figured I'd better kill this guy before somebody else got hurt. So I bring him down here after the party. I offer him a very special glass of wine. The first wine I ever bottled. That bum's palate was so dull he didn't taste nothin'. Not the wine, not the poison. I should've gave him junk. It was a waste of good wine.

Jessica Fletcher: But murder?

Salvatore Gambini: Of what? I killed a wild dog? I'll take my chances with God. Jessica, you're a good friend. You'll see my family gets that letter.

Jessica Fletcher: How does it look?

Eve Simpson: Ah, where to start? The building is ancient and dilapidated, the plumbing needs to be ripped out and replaced, the wiring is a joke, the roof is shot, the building has dry rot and will never pass a termite inspection, the septic tank is inadequate, the trees are dying, the fence is falling down, the backyard is a dump.

Jessica Fletcher: Mr. Andrews is in the den, getting the feel of 1780.

Sheriff Amos Tupper: Doesn't he know his side lost the war?

Lt. Ralph Rupp: My youngest wants to leave the house and go out on her own. I told her I got other plans for my pension.

Luke Purdue: You're sayin' somebody tried to kill me? That's crazy!

Insp. Roger McCabe: A man without enemies? You're a rare species, Mr. Purdue.

Jessica Fletcher: Tenacity is an admirable virtue.

Carla Talbot: Until it turns into thick-headed stubbornness.

Jessica Fletcher: Isn't it true that the only thing you can predict about the theater is that it is unpredictable?

Eliot Easterbrook: Bravo, Mrs. Fletcher. You must have stayed up all night thinking that one up.

Jessica Fletcher: No, actually. Molière did it for me about two hundred years ago.

Barney Mapost: [after Easterbrook arrives late] Finally I get it! He likes being late!

Shayna Grant: He's only comfortable in the dark. Like all creatures who prey off the living.

Eliot Easterbrook: [after Jessica exposes him as the murderer] Even the finest works of art have their flaws. Congratulations, Mrs. Fletcher. The only thing missing is a motive.

Jessica Fletcher: Yes, I wondered about that.

Eliot Easterbrook: Imagine a young and impressionable writer who has his first play produced off-off-off Broadway. It's not perfect, but he has talent, and it's a start. And imagine a critic from a second-rate newspaper trying to make a name for himself. His review of the play is devastating. So devastating the young playwright never writes another play. No, instead, he becomes a critic himself and vows to best his destroyer at his own game. But it's not enough. It's not enough to eradicate the pain. Only one thing can do that.

Kathleen Lane: Mr. Hall, I don't want to talk about rumors. It demeans both our professions.

Edmund Hall: But five years ago, when you were mayor of your home town, stories persisted that you had an affair with a married man.

Kathleen Lane: Forgive me, Mr. Hall. What should be put to bed in this campaign is gossip, not me.

Jackson Lane: [after Jessica exposes him as the murderer] Bud found out that I wasn't in the Bahamas that weekend. Once the photographs made the news, he'd start to put it together. And then the solution came to me. Bud's suicide, it would finally put an end to Kathleen's campaign. I got Kathleen out and I slipped into her suite. I phoned Bud's room and I told him Kathleen was back and wanted to see him. I was, I was cornered. I had to do something. I brought the hammer from home.

Jessica Fletcher: So you removed his clothes, dressed him in Kathleen's robe. And then you threw him off the balcony.

Jackson Lane: Jessica, the people that I dealt with in those days ... Well, the people I deal with now ... I didn't get where I am by being a choirboy, and they were getting awfully nervous about those rumors. It wasn't jail. I was looking at much worse, and I couldn't think of what else to do.