Space Ghost Coast to Coast

Space Ghost Coast to Coast is an American adult animated parody talk show, created by Mike Lazzo and hosted by the 1960s Hanna-Barbera cartoon character Space Ghost. The series originally aired on Cartoon Network from 1994 to 1999, then was revived on Adult Swim from 2001 to 2004, and was revived once more on GameTap from 2006 to 2008.

• I'll be dead long before you were born and I'll be dead long before you'll be dead.
• I have a giant brain that is able to reduce any complex machine into a simple yes or no answer.
• I'll spank you smartly with my spank ray.
• Bears are Crazy. They'll bite your head if you're wearing a steak on it.
• I saw a yard gnome once. It didn't scare me!
• Dames are like mustard: they taste great on a sandwich. But when you're not eating a sandwich... they just sit there in the fridge... on a shelf... in a jar... labeled... mustard.
• Look into the eyes of justice, Your Mother. You'll never get my power bands, savvy? Batmantis and I will fight you to the end!
• Hey, this thing on the monitor's not my mother! My room was always clean.
• Why do we always hurt the ones we love?! Why, Banjo, why?! Banjo! Banjo! BANJO!
• Welcome back, stupid viewers! You'll watch anything! Go ahead, change the channel. You'll be back!
• [to Jan and Jace] You rotten kids! This is all your fault! I owe you nothing! Without me, you'd be on the Herculoids' planet following Gleep and Gloop with brooms! And you two are no longer friends of mine! I'm telling that fat geek-a-nerd who does my webpage to officially list you two ingrates as enemies from now on!
• Meatwad! Meat-dead?! Make dead meat, more like it!
• Is this it? Is this the final battle? Has the reaper come for me at last? Is this the end... of Space Ghost?

• I am the Lone Locust of the apocalypse. Think of me when you look to the night sky.
• I shiver with power. I ache with disease. I am Batmantis!
• Hey! You took my soul!
• You know, my uncle Miranda got sued once.

Zorak: My favorite episode of The Golden Girls is the one where they all took contaminated Geritol and died.

Space Ghost: That was never an episode!

Zorak: Well, it should have been.

Space Ghost: Moltar, flush the lake.

Moltar: We don't have a lake.

Space Ghost: Good work.

Zorak: I got a friend coming by in about five minutes, so, uh... I gotta escape.

Space Ghost: What are you all gonna do?

Zorak: I think we're gonna smash light bulbs out by the dumpster.

Zorak: You dance like a woman.

Space Ghost: I dance like a woman... if she were a man!

Zorak: Well... ya got me there.

Announcer: Will Space Ghost surrender his power bands and save Moltar from Your Mother? Will Adam West come to his aid or will he wimp out? Will every word Batmantis says be followed by that suspenseful sting music? What will happen next? Why is the sky blue? What is the mystery of the yeti? Do you know the muffin man? Stay tuned to find out!

Your Mother: Time's up, Space Ghost. Your lollygagging kills your friend. Watch as I pull the freeze lever.

Space Ghost: NO! MOLTAR...!

[a horribly failed attempt at the Twelve Days of Christmas]

Council of Doom: On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Black Widow: Leonard Nimoy Sings!

Tansut: Four quesadillas!

Lokar: Three reruns of "What's Happening!"

Metallus: Two plus eight is ten.

Brak: Hi, my name is Braaaak!

Space Ghost: Enough! That was pitiful!

Zorak: Moltar, take off your helmet... show me your true face.

Moltar: Why?

Zorak: Because, I'm intrigued.

Moltar: No.

Zorak: C'mon... I'll be your friend.

Moltar: NO!

Zorak: C'mon... I'll give you a dollar.

Moltar: Okay...

[loud hissing sound]

Zorak: GOOD GOD!

Space Ghost: I've already got two cute useless sidekicks.

Moltar: I'm not useless!

Zorak: I'm not cute!

Brak: I'm not Rappaport!

Space Ghost: Moltar, what's our depth?

Moltar: 20,000 leagues, sir.

Space Ghost: Take her to 21.

Moltar: 21? But... why?

Space Ghost: Because it's more fantastical.

Space Ghost: Let's break down these boxes so they store easier!

Zorak: ...That's boring!

Space Ghost: You don't know from fun!

Space Ghost: Tell me, Chuck, ever thought of starring in a sequel to The Ten Commandments?

Zorak: No.

Charlton Heston: Uh, I don't think so.

Space Ghost: Not a sequel man, eh?

Zorak: No.

Charlton Heston: What other commandments are we going to write?

Zorak: Thou that smelled it thine own self dealt it.

Space Ghost: [laughs] Thou that smelled it thine own self dealt it.

Zorak: [fake laugh] Jerk.

Charlton Heston: Yeah, well...

Moltar: Thou shalt not... hesitate.

Charlton Heston: I'm kind of committed to the first ten.

Zorak: Thou shalt not be committed to old commandments!

Space Ghost: Zorak, one more commandment out of you, and thou shalt be blasted!

Moltar: Thou shalt not mess with Zorak, or thou shalt have to mess with me!

Space Ghost: All right, everybody, just calm down!

Moltar: Thou shalt not calm down!

Charlton Heston: I hesitate...

Moltar: Thou shalt not hesitate!

Space Ghost: I'm gonna go to the desk, now...

Zorak: You go ahead and *try*. You see what you get.

[teleports to the desk]

Space Ghost: Here I am now... At the desk.

Moltar: [shouts] You got lucky, Pal!

Zorak: You try it *next time*! You see what you get!

[After crushing a repairman with a boulder...]

Space Ghost: Oh, no. OH, NO! I killed my best friend ever! [quoting "Banjo"] Why do we always hurt the ones we love?! Why, Herve, why?! Herve... Herve! HERVE!

Herve: Hey, his name was Fernando, man.

Space Ghost: Where's Herve?

Herve: I'm Herve!

[Moltar hands Space Ghost a pink slip.]

Moltar: [sarcastically] Way to go, chief. [leaves]

Space Ghost: [reads the pink slip] "Dear Space Ghost, due to poor ratings and a cease and desist letter from Patricia Heaton's lawyers demanding your immediate dismissal, you're canceled?! Please let Zorak know that we're picking up his show and we can't wait to get started."

Zorak: Boo-yah! In your face, Ghost!

• George Lowe – Space Ghost
• C. Martin Croker – Zorak, Moltar

• Encyclopedic article on Space Ghost Coast to Coast on Wikipedia
• Space Ghost Coast to Coast quotes at the Internet Movie Database