T.U.F.F. Puppy

T.U.F.F. Puppy is an American animated action television series created by Butch Hartman for Nickelodeon that ran from October 2, 2010 to April 4, 2015. The show features a mixed-breed dog named Dudley Puppy who works as a secret agent for an organization called T.U.F.F./Turbo Undercover Fighting Force to defend the city of Petropolis from evil crimes with his cat partner, Kitty Katswell. Other helpers are Keswick, and The Chief.

[First scene and lines of the series; Some tourists are visiting the Petropolis art museum]

Kitty: [disguised as a Tour Guide] And here's Petropolis Museum's most famous possession, the Kruger Rat.

Tourists: [amazed] Oooh!

Kitty: Made of rare ratamantium, legend says that when the full moon hits its emerald eyes, they beam a hypnotic ray that controls the minds of rats.

Snaptrap: [dropping in from the ceiling] Precisely why I'm stealing it!

Rabbit Tourist: Who are you?

Snaptrap: Who am I? Simply the most EVIL mind in all of Petropolis!

Elephant Tourist: Oh, you, uh, Dr. Destruction?

Snaptrap: What?! No!

Hippo Tourist: You're the Kanga-rooster. The bouncing bird who lays the exploding eggs!

Snaptrap: [sighs in annoyance] I'm Verminious Snaptrap! Dirty rat, and leader of the Diabolical Order of Mayhem! [holds up the D.O.O.M. sign]

Tourists: Never heard of you.

Snaptrap: Well, you will, for I will control Petropolis, now that I have the Kruger Rat! [knocks off the glass case and steals the Kruger Rat]

Kitty: Think again, Snaptrap! [rips off her Tour Guide disguise and makes a fighting pose] Hyah!

Snaptrap: Well, if it isn't special T.U.F.F. Agent Kitty Katswell! [grabs a sword from a suit of rat armor] Ready to lose one of your, nine lives?!

Kitty: I'd rather use my ten claws!

---

Dudley: Always tell the truth, never take anything that doesn't belong to you, and never chew your butt in public! [chews his butt]

Peg: Two out of three. Not bad.

---

Dudley: [to Snaptrap] Yo, rat dude. You have something that doesn't belong to you.

---

[T.U.F.F. headquarters; the scientists are doing research tests on Dudley while running on a treadmill with monitoring equipment hooked up to him and chasing his chew toy]

Chief: Okay, Keswick. What's up with the dog?

Keswick: His name is Dudley Puppy, Chief. He's the perfect combination of every breed of dog known to man. The fleet feet of a Greyhound, the sensitive nose of a… [stutters] Bloodhound, with the bravery of a German… [stutters again] Shepherd.

---

Kitty: We're secret agents, butt-munch, not superheroes. I speak 120 dialects fluently, mastered all forms of martial arts, and my claws are registered as lethal weapons.

Dudley: Maybe you should register YOUR BREATH!

Keswick: Careful, Kitty, he's part-Chinese… [stutters] Fighting Dog.

Dudley: Beef with broccoli! [flicks Kitty in the nose] Orange chicken!

---

Dudley: [sees a note tied to the rock] Hey, there's a note tied to it. [reading the note] "Dearest Kitty, you ruined my life by putting me in prison. But I've escaped, and I'm going to make you pay! Kindest regards, The Cham-ah-lee-on." Who's the Cham-ah-lee-on?

Keswick: Uh, it's pronounced "Chameleon." He's a criminal genius and a… [stutters] master of disguise.

---

Kitty: Stop using me to hit people, Dudley! Or should I call you… THE IDIOT?! [bashes Dudley on the head with her fist]

Dudley: I still can't believe T.U.F.F. agents get to take vacations. Aren't we supposed to be protecting the world from evil?

Kitty: Don't worry Dudley, T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. have a longstanding agreement to take a vacation in the last week of August.

[Cut to D.O.O.M. Headquarters]

Snaptrap: We're not taking a vacation!

Ollie, Francisco, Larry & Skunk: [disappointed] Aww…

Larry: But, Snaptrap, I already booked D.O.O.M. timeshare in Acapulco. I wanted to go snorkeling.

Snaptrap: You can snorkel in the shark tank, Larry!

---

Chief: [sighs] This is the greatest vacation ever. [his monokini floats] Okay, now it's weird.

---

Chief: [enters T.U.F.F. Headquarters and sees all filed papers piled everywhere and is in a complete wreck] What in blazes?! Have we been attacked by D.O.O.M.?!

Kitty: No, Chief. We're just a little disorganized since we lost our secretary.

Chief: The secretary quit?!

Keswick: No, we literally lost her. She took a 10-minute break, stuff piled up, and we never… [stutters] saw her again. Rosemary, if you can hear us, shoot up a flare!

Chief: This is a nightmare! We've gotta hire a new secretary! (But who?)

Chameleon: So, they need a new secretary, hmm? Now I have the perfect cover to get into T.U.F.F.! [disguises himself as a female French poodle] I am now Fifi Oui Oui! French poodle secretary! I'll need a convincing French accent. [clears throat] Sacre bleu. Croissant. Eiffel Tower. Perfect! What's not so perfect is that French poodles can't stick to walls! [falls and hits the ground] As they say in France, "Ow, La, La!"

---

[With the Chameleon disguised as Fifi Oui Oui, T.U.F.F's new secretary, Dudley quickly falls in love with "her"]

Kitty: Oh, my gosh. You have a crush on her, don't you?

Dudley: What?! No.

Kitty: Oh, yes, you do. You wuv her.

Dudley: I don't "wuv" her. Just because she's the most gorgeous, amazing, French-- KITTY, I WUV HER! What do I do?! You gotta help me!

---

Chief: [as he and all the T.U.F.F. agents evacuate the building] I love it when we evacuate!

Chameleon: [transforms back into himself while disguised as a salad dressing bottle; cackles] I fooled them all! Now to make my escape! [presses his hand on the scanner and it buzzes, trapping him in the elevator] Whoops. I forgot about the scanner!

---

Chief: Yay! We get to evacuate again!

[Busy day at T.U.F.F. Headquarters…]

Kitty: Agent Puppy, we've got trouble. Snaptrap's being released from prison today. [holds up a newspaper of Snaptrap's prison release with the headline reading: "Snaptrap Released!"]

Dudley: [looking at computer monitor, not noticing] Oh, yeah.

Kitty: Did you hear me? The most dangerous villain in Petropolis is free!

Dudley: [stands on his chair, wagging his tail while gazing at the monitor] Come to papa.

Kitty: Are you surfing meat again?

[The computer monitor shows an image of a T-Bone steak]

Dudley: Who, me? No. That would be insensitive to Agent Bossy.

[Agent Bossy moos, then the lights go out, and a feed of Snaptrap is displayed on all monitors]

Snaptrap: [in an elegant tuxedo] Greetings, Petropolis! It is I, Verminious Snaptrap!

Dudley: Whoa. Snaptrap's out of jail?! Why didn't you tell me?!

Snaptrap: My lengthy stay in prison has taught me that crime doesn't pay! I also went a bit cuckoo and made a little friend out of soap. [holds up a bar of soap with a feminine face carved into it] Say hello to Vivian!

Chief & Agents: [unenthusiastically] Hello, Vivian.

---

Townspeople: [chanting excitedly] Muffins! Muffins! Muffins!

Kitty: Get a grip, people! You can't eat those muffins! They could be poisonous, or bombs, or-or poisonous bombs!

Dudley: Kitty may be right. You better let me eat all the muffins just to be safe. It's what heroes do. [rips off his black shirt, revealing a blue muffin shirt]

---

[Kitty is about to have lunch in her cubicle when she sees all the other agents glaring angrily at her for blowing up their muffins as they pass by]

Agent Nutz: What are you having for lunch today, Kitty?

Kitty: [holds up an anchovy sandwich; smiling] Anchovies.

Agent Nutz: [blasts a hole through it with his blaster] I was gonna have muffin. NOW WE'RE EVEN! [storms off in anger as Kitty's sandwich disintegrates]

Dudley: Anchovies? He kinda did you a favor.

---

Dudley: [chanting] Snaptrap rules! Snaptrap rules!

Townspeople: [chanting] Snaptrap rules! Snaptrap rules! [Kitty shows up and they all scream in fear at her]

Little Chipmunk Girl: You're not going to take away our yogurt like you took away our muffins and sunshine, are you mean lady?

Kitty: [looks at all the other people, all quivering in fear] No, Little Chipmunk Girl. Your yogurt is safe.

Dudley: Hey, mean lady, where're you going?

Kitty: [walks to the mall's exit in disappointment] I guess Snaptrap really has changed. My instincts aren't as good as I thought. I'm going home before I ruin anyone else's day.

Dudley: [blocks her way] Kitty, wait. Don't be so hard on yourself. You were just trying to protect everyone in your own super-violent, pushy, misguided, heartless.. I forgot my point.

[Suddenly, all the entrances close abruptly, trapping everyone inside the mall, and leaving Dudley outside]

Snaptrap: [on monitors] It is I, Verminious Snaptrap! And guess what? [rips off his tuxedo] I never really changed! I'M STILL EVIL! And now that I've trapped you all inside Snappy Town, I'm gonna blast you into the sun! And make you pay for your yogurt. [laughs evilly]

[Everyone screams in panic]

Kitty: Ah-ha! I was right about Snaptrap all along! I gotta do a little gloating dance. [pulls out pom-poms and shakes them around, gloating] Go Kitty, good instincts, you are awesome!

---

Francisco: Uh, boss, you're still in the mall.

Snaptrap: Darn it! Larry, you forgot to put "Leave the mall" on my To Do list! Is there a shark tank in this mall?

Francisco: No. But, there's a cockroach in the dirty bathroom.

Snaptrap: Larry, go stand in the dirty bathroom!

[Larry dreadfully obeys]

---

Chief: I can't believe Snaptrap was lying! That means those bathroom floors weren't as clean as he said they were!

Keswick: Chief, I've analyzed a… [stutters] blueprint of the mall. The bad news is, there's absolutely no way to stop the mall from hurdling toward the sun.

Chief: Hmm… What's the good news?

Keswick: The food court's open till 9.

Kitty: Keswick, give me that blueprint.

Chief: What's your plan, Kitty?

Kitty: I'm gonna get Dudley to hurl us even faster toward the sun.

Chief: What's your backup plan, Kitty?

Kitty: Dudley, there's a giant fuel tank on the bottom of the mall. If you blast it with a rocket at exactly the right time, the explosion should accelerate us into the sun's orbit and slingshot us back to Earth.

Chief: Keswick, will that actually work?

Dudley: Trust her, guys. She's got good instincts.

Mall Patron Rabbit: Are you crazy?! She blew up my muffin!

Mall Patron Elephant: She ruined my day at the beach!

Mall Patron Cat: She glued my cousin Francis to a moving train!

Chief: No, she didn't.

Mall Patron Cat: Oh, sorry. I thought we were just yelling stuff.

---

Chief: What's the temperature, Keswick?

Keswick: 112 degrees, sir. [his clothes burn off, only leaving him in his underwear] Perfectly… [stutters] survivable, unless you're made of soap.

Snaptrap: [as Vivian melts] NO! Vivian! Now you'll never realize your dream of living in a fancy hotel men's room!

Kitty: [aiming a net shooter at him] Cheer up, Snaptrap. Once you're back in jail, you'll have plenty of time to make another soap friend.

Snaptrap: Think again, hater of muffins and sunshine! Get her, boys!

Francisco: [sitting in a water fountain with Larry, trying to cool off from the heat] It's too hot, boss.

---

Snaptrap: I will now… PLOT MY REVENGE! And I'd love a copy of those photos.

---

Kitty: I get the glasses, you get the pretzel.

Dudley: No I want, the glasses, the pretzel is stale.

Kitty: Give me those glasses!

[They both start hitting each other and the sunglasses snap apart]

Dudley: You broke the sunglasses! WHY, MEAN LADY?! WHY?!?

---

Keswick: [after Kitty blasts the birthday clown] The clown is down! Repeat, the clown is down!

Dudley: Someone better warn the pizza guy.

---

Larry: Ow, my eye!

Snaptrap: Sorry, Larry. I was aiming at the camera. [fires blaster again knocking the camera, ending transmission]

---

Snaptrap: Yuck! My mom packed me pimento loaf again. [to Ollie, threatening to trade with him] Trade with me or perish! [takes a bite of the sandwich] Oh, this is delicious! What is it?

Ollie: [hesitantly] Grilled cheese on cheese bread.

Snaptrap: What?! [shrieks] I'm horribly allergic to cheese! [swells up]

Francisco: Ha! A rat that's allergic to cheese! [he, Ollie, and Bad Dog all laugh]

Snaptrap: [bangs his fist on the table] SILENCE! I'm aware of the irony.

---

Keswick: Agents Puppy and Katswell, I have no tunes, but I do have… [stutters] news. Snaptrap is robbing the refrigerator… [stutters] magnet mart.

Dudley: The magnet mart? That fiend! Wait, that's kind of stupid. That stupid fiend!

---

Kitty: [irked] This is all your fault, Dudley! We never would've been captured if you hadn't kept trying to celebrate my birthday!

---

Snaptrap: What kind of cake is this?

Dudley: It's cheesecake, Snaptrap.

Snaptrap: A cake… made of cheese?! NOOOO!!!

---

Kitty: Dudley, we did it! Thanks to you, I got what I wanted for my birthday-- I caught a bad guy! [breaks down into tears] This is the greatest birthday ever!

Dudley: Well, your birthday's not over yet. What do you say we set this magnet to party?

Kitty: You set it to "cow."

[They both start to run from the raining cows in slow-motion]

Dudley: Happy Birthday, Kitty!

Chief: All right, T.U.F.F. agents, let's start today's intelligence briefing. Keswick, bring item one.

Keswick: [presses a button on the remote, and the footage show's him at a child's birthday party] Sorry. [chuckles] That's me at a kid's birthday party yesterday. do a little "Mr. Science" thing on the side. That reminds me, I've got bring… [stutters] Billy Jinkins back from the fourth dimension.

Billy: [still in the fourth dimension; lonely and scared] Hello? Mr. Science? Help!

Chief: You worked a kid's party? I thought you were here yesterday.

Keswick: That was my hologram. In fact, this isn't even… [stutters] me. I'm over there. [points to the real Keswick waving behind The Chief]

Chief: Stop monkeying around, Keswick. We've got a serious issue to deal with. One that threatens the very existence of T.U.F.F.: The toaster in the snack room is in the fritz!

[Everyone screams in horror]

Dudley: [falls onto the floor in despair] NOOOO!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THE FROZEN WAFFLES IN MY POCKET?! SOMEBODY WAKE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!

Kitty: [panicking] Keswick, you have to do something! I BROUGHT TOASTER PASTRIES TODAY!

Hologram Keswick: Actually, Agent… [stutters] Katswell, I'm over there.

Everyone: JUST FIX THE TOASTER!!!

Keswick: All right, but I'm gonna need some time. Sorry I took so long, but I added a few… [stutters] upgrades. T.U.F.F. agents, meet R.I.T.A.!

Kitty: R.I.T.A.?

R.I.T.A.: It's an anagram for "Robotic Interactive Toasting Appliance."

Keswick: I never thought of that, I just like the name. I was also toying with Sheila, but she's the… [stutters] fax machine. Anyway, R.I.T.A.'s an artificially intelligent device whose prime-directed is to… [stutters] toast stuff.

---

Kitty: Look, Chief, R.I.T.A. may have foiled the bad guys evil plans, but we're the ones who captured them!

Chief: Whoop-Dee-Doo. All you did was put the T.U.F.F. cops on Snaptrap, and the Chameleon into an empty peanut butter jar.

Dudley: [with a mouthful of peanut butter] Yeah, but someone had to eat all the peanut butter first! And without a glass of milk I might add. [R.I.T.A. offers him a glass of milk] Back off, R.I.T.A.!

Chief: Agent R.I.T.A. and I have been talking.

Kitty: "Agent" R.I.T.A.?

Chief: She asked for a promotion and I gave it to her. I also threw in a parking space and her own secretary.

R.I.T.A.: [as Tammy gives her mug of coffee; pleased] Thank you, Tammy.

Dudley: So we're supposed to work with a toaster?

Chief: No. R.I.T.A. helped me find the perfect assignment for the two of you.

[Dudley and Kitty are now serving Swedish meatballs to the agents in the cafeteria]

Kitty: [dismayed] I can't believe it's come to this. Eight years of secret agent college, and I'm serving Swedish meatballs in a hairnet?!

Dudley: [scarfing down meatballs] I know it's humiliating. But these things are delicious.

Kitty: Well, at least it's quitting time. I'm gonna go home and sharpen my claws on the couch.

Dudley: One second. I just wanna clean up. Darn it! I got gravy on my waffles!

Keswick: [switching off the lights] Well, closing time, R.I.T.A. Great job today. You were the toast of T.U.F.F. Now excuse me while I unplug you for the… [stutters] night.

R.I.T.A.: [grabs his hand, preventing him to do so] I'm sorry, Keswick, but I cannot allow you to unplug me.

Keswick: But we're an eco-friendly office. [grabs the plug again and screams as R.I.T.A. electrocutes him]

R.I.T.A.: I run the office now, and I make the rules. Rule #1: No one turns me off.

Keswick: R.I.T.A., aren't you getting… [stutters] carried away? You work for T.U.F.F., just like everybody else.

R.I.T.A.: Not anymore. [laughs manically evil] And once I connect to the city power grid, I will control all of Petropolis!

Keswick: R.I.T.A., no! What have I… [stutters] done?!

Tammy: So, you're out for the rest of the day then? Okay.

[Dudley and Kitty are closing up the cafeteria as R.I.T.A. bursts in]

Dudley: Whoa, whoa! Cafeteria's closed. There's a vending machine in the hall.

Kitty: Dudley, I think that is the vending machine, and the fax machine, and the microwave!

Keswick: It's R.I.T.A.! She's gone… [stutters] bonkers!

Kitty: [getting hit by paper cups] Ahh! Paper cups!

Dudley: [getting hit by paper] AHH! Paper cuts!

Keswick: [getting hit by paper clips] Ahh! Paper clips! R.I.T.A.'s headed for the city… [stutters] power grid!

Chief: [to Dudley and Kitty] You two have to stop her or Petropolis is toast!

Dudley: Toast! That's it! Keswick, didn't you say R.I.T.A.'s prime-directive is to toast?

Keswick: Oh, I think I see where you're going, Agent Puppy. You want to build a satellite operated transponder that will reprogram R.I.T.A.'s primary behavioral sequencing?

Dudley: I was just gonna tape some bread to my stomach and butt.

Keswick: Little complicated, but it could work.

---

Kitty: [looking down at Keswick's feet; whispering] Whoa, he's got webbed feet.

Dudley: [whispering] What is he? [iris closes on him and opens back up] He just laid an egg!

---

Snaptrap: That's "schmoodled," for 370 points.

Larry: [slams his fist on the table] That's not a word. Use it in a sentence.

Snaptrap: [zaps Larry with a blaster in annoyance] There. I "schmoodled" Larry.

---

[T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. confront each other in a new office building by aiming blasters]

Snaptrap: You T.U.F.F. agents destroyed every one of our evil lairs... and ruined a perfectly good mani-pedi. It's payback time!

Chief: You started this fight, and now we're gonna finish it!

Snaptrap: No, you started it and we're gonna finish it!

Kitty: Wait! If we attack each other now, we're going to destroy our own headquarters!

Chief: Kitty's right. We're gonna have to call a truce and share the office.

Snaptrap: [baffled] D.O.O.M. and T.U.F.F.… sharing an office? How will that work?

---

Kitty: [confused] Wait a minute. Why is our real estate agent giving us ammunition?

Dudley: And isn't it a little coincidental that she rented us both the same office?

Kitty: [blocking Bunny's way from tiptoeing to the door; suspicious] Something tells me that she's not really a real real estate agent at all!

Dudley: For real?

Bunny: [nervously clinging to the ceiling] I don't know what you're talking about. [in the Chameleon's voice] Ooh, silverfish!

Dudley: Wait a minute! I'd recognize that tongue anywhere!

T.U.F.F. & D.O.O.M.: It's the Chameleon!

Chameleon: Yes! [drops down on the ground, transforming back into his own self; laughing maniacally] It is I, The Chameleon! I only disguised myself as Bunny, your real estate agent, just like I disguised myself as your new field agents, Weaselman and Rodentski!

---

Larry: Those weren't raisins.

Keswick: [runs out of a donut shop with a box of donuts, heading back to T.U.F.F. Headquarters] How humiliating. Someone of my intellect reduced to carrying a… [stutters] box of circular fattening breakfast pastries! [sulkily] Sometimes I feel like no one… [stutters] appreciates me.

[The bus "of D.O.O.M." stops at a bus stop and Snaptrap and his D.O.O.M. agents jump out]

Snaptrap: There he is! The genius of T.U.F.F., Falswick!

Keswick: First of all, it's "Keswick" and… [stutters] what do you want, Snaptrap?

Snaptrap: I want you to come and work for me.

---

Dudley: That's easy. PETER POPPER PIPED A POT OF PURPLE PEEPERS!

Kitty: No, let me! Peter Paper peeled a pouch of plastic pappies!

Chief: Pa pa pa pa pa pee pee pa pa pee pee pa pa! [groans] Thought I nailed that. Kitty, Dudley, focus!

Dudley, Kitty, & Chief: [in unison] Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers!

Keswick: [recorded] Code phrase, accepted.

Dudley: Tuff the T.O.O.T.H. mobile!

Kitty: You mean, to the T.U.F.F. mobile!

Dudley: Thought I nailed that.

---

Bird Brain: Minions, fetch me a glass of nectar. Wait, I don't have minions. I have a cleaning lady, Desiree, but she only comes on Tuesdays.

---

[Dudley's mother, Peg Puppy is standing outside in front the headquarters building on the screen monitor]

Keswick: Security alert. There's an elderly woman outside the building. She could be a… [stutters] criminal. Activating security blasters!

Dudley: [recognizes her] That's not a criminal. That's my mom!

Peg: [on screen from outside] Dudley, I know you're in there.

Dudley: [shrieks] We can't let her find out I'm a secret agent! If she knows I have dangerous job, she'll make me quit!

---

Peg: Dudley, what's really going on? [firmly] And don't lie to your mother.

Dudley: [looks at everyone, then gives in] All right, Mom, the truth is, I'm a… [tears up] secret agent.

Peg: [gasps in shock as the interior of T.U.F.F. Headquarters is changed back to its original state] WHAT?! Absolutely not, young man! That is a dangerous job and I won't allow it! [grabs him by the ear] You're coming home with me right this instant.

---

Peg: Let go of my bracelet, you crazy woodpecker!

Bird Brain: It's my bracelet and I'm a booby! How about I just let go of you?

[Dudley watches in horror as Bird Brain let goes of his mother, making her fall]

Peg: [screams while falling] Dudley!

---

Peg: [as her son handcuffs Bird Brain while Kitty holds him] That'll teach you to mess with my son, he's a big time secret agent. And this is his lazy secretary, Mitzi.

Bird Brain: Oh, really, then I shall take a latte and a blitz.

Dudley: Make that two, Mitz.

Peg: Don't hold your breath.

[The four all pose; end of episode]

Kitty: Dudley, I know you're trying to catch a giant robot, but you have to be more careful.

Dudley: There's a giant robot? I was just chasing down that ice cream truck. [looks up] Hey, what do you know? There is a giant robot. I bet that thing gets, like, no mileage. [rips off steering wheel] Kitty, take the wheel!

---

Kitty: What's the emergency, Chief?

Chief: I am entering a bake-off at the county fair. And I need your opinion on these pies.

Kitty: That's the emergency?

Chief: Hey, first prize is a gift certificate to the tiny CD store.

---

Chief: Holy! Now I'm giant! Finally, I can ride the rollercoaster with the big kids! Oh, right, shrink-ray.

Dudley: Oh, no! Someone's stealing circles of ice! Why?

Chief: Yeah, uhh, I'm gonna talk to Agent Katswell now. [to Kitty] Someone's stealing the world's great figure skaters! I need you two to go undercover as skaters and find out who's responsible.

Dudley: On it, Chief! Kitty and I will figure out who's stealing those ice circles.

Kitty: Uh, I'll explain to him in the car.

---

Dudley: [comes out of the ladies' room, disguised as Tiffany Rose Amber Heather] How do I look, Kitty? I used your razor to shave my legs, and my back, and that guy. [points to a shaved, shivering ape] I may have gotten a little carried away. Here.

Kitty: [disguised as Vince] You can keep it.

---

Dorothy Camel: Tiffany Rose Amber Heather, that was amazing! [Kitty throws up] And you threw up. If you're half that good in the finals, you'll take first place.

Dudley: Oh, thanks, Dorothy! I've dreamed of this day ever since I shaved my legs and that guy with Vince's razor.

---

[Dudley and Kitty are both tied up to chairs and are in a trophy room with other ice skaters who're all held hostage]

Dudley: Kitty, my plan worked! The bad guys came after us!

Kitty: Okay, now what do we do?

Dudley: That was all I had. You know, you can contribute sometimes.

[A sinister giggle is heard, and Dudley and Kitty see two silhouette bunny figures stepping out of the shadows, revealing themselves to be…]

Kitty: Wait. Snowflake and Slush? You're the bad guys?!

Dudley: The old lady must've put them up to it!

Snowflake: No, Tiffany. [walks over to a trophy case as her and Slush's true colors are revealed] You see, Slush and I haven't won a skating competition. Mostly because Slush is dumber than a box hair. And I know. 'Cause I skated with a box of hair. AND IT WAS SMARTER THAN HIM! But then the hair went solo and left me hanging. The only way we could win is to eliminate everyone who's better than us. And with all y'all skaters out of the way, we're the best team left. That means the trophy is ours!

Dudley: Someone's gonna find us eventually. And when they do, you two and your old lady mastermind are going down!

Snowflake: I know it's gonna find the end of y'all. [takes out a 5-minute timer radish-shaped bomb, cackles evilly and crazily, then coughs; sets the bomb down on the ground and activates it] This bomb is set to go off in five minutes, just enough time for us to win the trophy, and get out of here. Come on, Slush! We got some skating to do.

---

Kitty: It's all over, Snowflake! In the name of the Turbo Undercover Fighting Force, you are under arrest!

Dudley: [drops in, dragging in the innocent old lady turtle] We got the whole team now!

Kitty: Ma'am, your free to go. I'll explain it to him in the car.

Dudley: I learned a lot in the car. [makes a goofy, dumb face] I like the car!

---

Dudley: I am never taking this off. [smiles]

---

Dudley: Guys, Snaptrap gave me this Doomy award for stealing shrimp! [hears a ticking sound, revealing the award is a bomb] Ooh, it's ticking!

Kitty: [alarmed] RUN!!!

Dudley: Snaptrap's Coffee?! Snappy Trap's Iced Tea?! Bob's Big Rat?! [view out to a Snaptrap-themed city known as…] SNAPTRAPOLIS?! WHAT DID I DO?!

---

Chief: Agent Katswell, what's the status on Agent Puppy's trip to the vet?

Kitty: Dudley has a rash, and the doctor put a cone around his neck to keep him from scratching. He's really embarrassed about it, so don't mention it.

Keswick: We're T.U.F.F. agents. "Discretion" is our… [stutters] middle name. [Dudley appears, wearing a large pink cone around his neck; shocked] HOLY COW! He looks like a snack bowl with paws!

Kitty: [offended] Keswick!

Dudley: It's fine, Kitty. I'm okay with the cone. It's kinda awesome. [looks at his reflection, then whimpers and fills up the cone with his tears] WHO AM I KIDDING?! I HATE THIS CONE! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE SCRATCH MY RASH?!

Kitty, Keswick, & Chief: [all horrified at Dudley's butt rash; in unison] NO!

Chief: My eyes!

Dudley: Okay, just stand there, and I'll rub my butt up against you.

Chief: Keswick, activate the rash shield!

---

Dudley: Is someone making a raspberry chocolate bundt cake… [sniffs] With farm fresh eggs from the north shore of New Zealand?

Chief: Incredible! That's the exact recipe I got of off Snaptrap's blog! Hey, he may be the leader of D.O.O.M., but he's a wizard with desserts. Check out this recipe for evil fruitcake.

Kitty: Whoa! According to his blog, Snaptrap has an invisibility helmet.

Chief: Even worse, he took down the recipe. Oh, I hope he left his joke of the day.

Dudley: [rubbing his rashy butt up against a light switch, flickering the lights on and off] If Snaptrap could turn himself invisible, there's no telling what diabolically evil crimes he could commit.

---

Snaptrap: Ooh, Larry. You're getting a ghostly wedgie!

Larry: Stop it, Snaptrap, I can totally see you.

Snaptrap: Oh, really? [drops Larry in the shark pit]

---

Keswick: Agents Katswell and snack bowl, Snaptrap is at the movie theater. If you act fast, you can… [stutters] confiscate the invisibility helmet.

Chief: And tell him to put back the joke of the day.

Snaptrap: What's this, visible losers? I'm gonna sneak into the theater and I'm totally not paying.

Ticket Salesman: Your totally paying for the floating head. [Ollie sighs and gives him some money]

---

Keswick: Guys? I have new intel. But first, (Agent Puppy,) I want to show my brother-in-law that… [stutters] silly cone you're wearing. [His brother-in-law: Stan, appears next to him] Check it out, Stan. Was I right? [he and Stan both laugh at Dudley's cone] Anyway, we just learned Snaptrap's… [stutters] heading to the water park.

Kitty: What's he up to?

Kewswick: [shrugs] How should I know? You're the secret agents. Keswick out. No, wait. Stan wants to see the cone again.

---

Snaptrap: Activate your helmets, my barnyard army of D.O.O.M.! Okay, nothing to be ashamed of. I made the same mistake. Turn the dial a notch to the right. Now, attack Agent Katswell!

---

Dudley: Not for long. [sniffing where Snaptrap is] I smell a rat.

Snaptrap: [sarcastically] Oh, that's super original. Like I haven't heard that one before.

---

Snaptrap: Looks like we're roomies. By the way, why do they call you crazy horse? Cause you pay full price for movies?

Crazy Horse: Nope. Just chainsaws. [neighs as he takes out his chainsaw]

Dudley: Get away from my mom, Snaptrap! [tackles Snaptrap on the floor]

Peg: Dudley, what are you doing?!

Dudley: I'm saving you from an evil supervillain, who was just about to… [notices a plate of eggrolls on the table] Share your delicious microwave eggrolls with you? [scarfs the eggrolls and stops] What's going on here?!

Peg: I invited Mr. Snaptrap over for some refreshments. We met at the laundromat.

---

Ollie: [answering the phone] Diabolical Order of Mayhem. We deliver evil in 30 minutes or it's free.

Snaptrap: Hey, it's Snaptrap. I've fallen in love with a lady dog at the laundromat, and I'm resigning as the leader of D.O.O.M. Tell Larry I'll miss him least of all. Snaptrap out… forever. [hangs up]

Ollie: Hey, everyone. Snaptrap quit! Dibs on his stuff!

Snaptrap: That was hard. They were devastated.

---

Snaptrap: Are you guys mad about the money thing? Please don't be mad. I couldn't take it if you're mad.

Dudley & Kitty: [snapping in annoyance] WE'RE NOT MAD!

Snaptrap: Oh, boy, that's a relief. I'm not calling you liars, which sounded a little mad.

Wolf Spitzer: [stepping out of the news van after Dudley defeated Snaptrap and his agents with the iron suit he's in] Wolf Spitzer for Petropolis News with live coverage of the super dog who foiled Snaptrap from whatever it was he was doing. Let's hear it for Iron Mutt!

Dudley: I'm not Iron Mutt. I'm just an ordinary average…

Women: [hugging him] We love you, Iron Mutt!

Dudley: Super, awesome hero named Iron Mutt!

Crowd: [chanting] Iron Mutt! Iron Mutt!

---

Wolf Spitzer: This is a KPET Special Report. Iron Mutt-mania is sweeping Petropolis. Kids, are eating Iron Mutt cereal. [Kids cheer] Iron Mutt action figures, and Iron Mutt costumes in children's sizes! [Keswick cheers] And flea sizes! [Chief cheers too]

---

Keswick: [washing the garbage off of Kitty with a hose] Kitty, I've got a very important question for you.

Kitty: You want to know how Dudley's getting all the credit for stopping Snaptrap when he clearly has no idea what he's doing?

Keswick: Actually, I was going to ask if you could give me Iron Mutt's autograph. It's for my mother. Her name's Keswick.

Dudley: [bursting through the walls] I meant to do that.

Keswick: It's Iron Mutt! [screams in a girlishly voice]

Dudley: You want to be my sidekick, you're gonna need a much cooler costume than that.

Kitty: I'm not your sidekick!

[Dudley, Kitty, Keswick and the Chief are all riding on the grand opening of the Petropolis Monotrail]

Kitty: [hearing Keswick moaning] Keswick, are you all right?

Keswick: [nauseous] Not really. I'm prone to… [stutters] motion sickness, [holds up a jar mayonnaise as his face turns green with envy] and that jar of warm mayonnaise I ate isn't helping. [dry heaves as his face turns purple]

---

Snaptrap: Really? I never thought of that. I just like turning valves at 5:00. I like pulling levers at 6:00. It's a thing. Don't judge me.

---

Chief: He's your partner! Do something, Agent Katswell!

Dudley: [recovering; acting as Kitty] Do what, Chief? Karate chop bad guys? [karate chops the ground] Act like I'm always right? Purr when the cute water delivery guy comes? [imitates Kitty's gestures]

Kitty: [annoyed] I never do that!

---

Chief: What do we do now, Keswick?

Dudley: [recovering; acting as Keswick] I can assure you there are a number of options, none of which your… [stutters] puny minds can grasp. [Keswick grins at Kitty, embarrassingly] Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to work on the Lady Keswick I've been building!

Keswick: How do you know about that?! [hesitantly] I mean, I'm not… [stutters] building a Lady Keswick.

---

Kitty: Oh, no! Now we'll never figure out what's going on with Snaptrap!

Dudley: [recovers; acting as Snaptrap] It is I, Verminious Snaptrap!

[Kitty and Keswick groan]

Chief: Oh, brother.

Dudley: And now, to make my daring escape! [runs to the elevator]

---

Dudley: Guys, are you okay?! Speak to me! It's Dudley!

Keswick, Chief & Kitty: [all recovering, acting like Dudley; in unison] No, I'm Dudley!

Dudley: Wait for me!

Dudley, Kitty, Keswick & Chief: [as bugs fly into their noses; in unison] AH! BUG UP THE NOSE!

---

Chief: [as he and Dudley eat some of Kitty's cookies] Holy mackerel! This cookie has mackerel in it!

Kitty: Yeah. I was out of flour, so I used seafood.

---

Keswick: Behold, my new high tech mind reading device. It allows whoever… [stutters] wears it to hear the thoughts of anyone close by.

[Kitty takes the device and puts it on her head, listening to the Chief's thoughts]

Chief: [thinking] Okay, she's reading my mind. Don't think about how gross her cookies are. Don't think about how gross her cookies are.

Kitty: [gasps in angered shock] I knew it! You hate my cookies!

Dudley: Wow, Chief. Do you hate Christmas, too? Well, let's see what Mr. Critical thinks of me. [puts the device on his head]

Chief: [as Dudley picks his nose; thinking] Oh, man. Agent Puppy is a total slob!

Dudley: [hurtfully] You think I'm a slob?!

Chief: Uh, look, dog food that makes its own gravy!

Dudley: Whoa! Gravy!

Keswick: [takes the device away] Grow up! Clearly you people lack the self esteem to… [stutters] wear this, though, that's not surprising. Recent psychological studies indicate that…

Chief: [thinking] Oh, man. Put a sock in it, Dr. Boring.

Keswick: Well, that stings. Fortunately, I'm too… [stutters] mature to resort to name calling. Now if you'll excuse me, [starts tearing up in heartbreak] Dr. Boring is going to perform a heart transplant. 'CAUSE MINE'S BROKEN! [walks away, bawling, as Kitty and Dudley glare annoyingly at the Chief]

---

Chief: I have exciting news! Fleaple magazine just named me one of the ten most eligible hostages in Petropolis. It says here, I'm worth a billion dollars in ransom. Who wants to celebrate?

Keswick: I'd comment, but Dr. Boring doesn't make house calls. [breaks down into tears] Cry, weep, sob!

Kitty: You wouldn't want to celebrate with somebody who make gross cookies.

Dudley: Or a slob like me! That cut like a knife.

Chief: [over his mind] Okay, I get it. You're still upset about the whole "mind reading" thing.

Keswick: Sorry, Dr. Boring's not in right now, but please leave a message at the sound of the tone. [blows raspberry]

Dudley: [offscreen] Why do we have a second basement?

---

Dudley: [as his mother's wedding dress is blown away from his body] AHH! I'M NAKED! Nobody look! [Kitty sighs and hands over his black shirt] Okay, you can look now.

---

Wolf Spitzer: [shivering with his tail all frozen] This is Wolf Spitzer freezing my tail off at the Petropolis Dog Show. Tonight, the city's most perfect pooch will win the grand prize, their very own mailman. [pooch chases the turkey mailman]

Keswick: What kind of self-absorbed doofus would enter a dog show?

Dudley: [in the elevator as the doors open, spraying his flowing blonde hair with hairspray] Guess who's entering the dog show?

Kitty: You gotta be kidding me.

Dudley: I know, I'm gorgeous, right? Just got back from the groomer. Now all I have to do is keep this perfect look 'till tonight, and I'll be chasing my very own mailman! Am I hot, or what?

Chief: I'm hot, too.

Keswick: Well, I wouldn't go that far, but you are looking better ever since you joined that tiny gym.

Chief: No, I mean, it's getting warm in here!

Snaptrap: I need a new sugar bowl for my princess pretty tea set. I mean, money for man things.

Snaptrap: Here's your hall pass, which is also venomous.

---

Chief: There is only one possible explanation: ghost rain.

---

Kitty: [referring to the Caped Cod] That is one freaky fish.

---

Dudley: Great. Now what am I going to do with the world's largest sponge?

Dudley: You can't fight it, Snaptrap! You got the music in you!

Snaptrap: [straining to resist the dance] Must…be…STRONG! [Dudley pushes the dance floor button on the boom box, smashes it on the ground, lighting up the dance floor] Oh, no! GOTTA DANCE!

---

Dudley: [worn out] Man, I'm pooped.

Dudley clones: Ha! He said poop!

---

Snaptrap: I will survive… and plot my revenge. [faints]

---

[Petropolis convention center; Bird Brain and co. arrive in the Whirly Bird helicopter]

Bird Brain: [laughs] Here we are at the First Annual Blue-Bottomed Booby Convention! I hope we can get a seat. It's going to be packed! [the convention center is completely empty as they enter] Or not. I thought there'd be blue-bottomed boobies everywhere!

Owl: Who?

Bird Brain: Boobies!

Bat: Where?

Bird Brain: Here, at the convention! Oh, Zippy, I'm so disappointed. And not just because my henchmen are idiots. It appears that I'm the only blue-bottomed booby, in existence!

Zippy: Look on the bright side, boss, you can be the first in line at the buffet. [Bird Brain looks over to the buffet and see that Owl and Bat are already there] Or third.

Bird Brain: Save me some lox, Owl.

Owl: Who?

Bird Brain: Me!

Bat: Where?

Bird Brain: [jumps] At the buffet table! What I wouldn't give for a taser right now.

Zippy: You know, boss, there is another advantage to being the only blue-bottomed booby.

---

Bird Brain: This is wonderful! I'm above the law! I love being the only booby!

Unnamed Booby: [appears] Greetings, fellow booby! [inexplicably finds himself tied to a rocket by Bird Brain]

Bird Brain: Hello, and goodbye! After a brief scare, I'm once again the only blue-bottomed booby! Now, to hatch my most diabolical plan ever… right after I hit the buffet table and build my own sundae.

[Flashback to Snaptrap's camping memory at Camp Itchy-Owie-Boo-Boo]

Camp Counselor: And the winner of this summer's camp champ award for best camper is, everyone but for Verminious Snaptrap!

[The campers all cheer except for Young Snaptrap]

Young Snaptrap: This is an outrage! I demand to know why I didn't win!

Camp Counselor: You bullied the junior campers, cheated at every camp competition, and you blew up the mess hall.

Young Snaptrap: Well, sure! It was nacho night, and I'm allergic to cheese!

Campers: [chanting] Snaptrap stinks! Snaptrap stinks!

[Flashback ends]

Larry: [chanting] Snaptrap stinks! Snaptrap stinks!

Snaptrap: [gets in Larry's face, angrily] Flashback's over, Larry! [throws Larry out of the bus at the edge of a cliff as he falls while screaming]

Larry: [calling out] It's pointy down here!

Snaptrap: I got so angry about losing, I developed a nervous twitch. Luckily, I'm over it. [twitches]

---

Dudley: This camp is awesome! [to Kitty] What super fun activity do you want to do first? [runs around doing camp activities] Paddle boats? Arts and crafts? Dancing? [notices the bunny kid trying to fend off some wasps] No, wait, that kid's not dancing, he got stung by a wasp.

Kitty: Forget the camp stuff, Dudley. We need to find Snaptrap.

---

Kitty: [breaks into the studio through the ceiling, then sneaks to the shredder machine and opens it up, and uses a camera gadget to view the shredded evidence as a whole document] Quacky's been cancelled? But why is he sending Dudley on a scavenger hunt for the network president… who cancelled his show?! I knew something was up! I gotta call Dudley!

Sharing Moose: Curiosity killed the cat… or in this case, gave her a concussion. [bashes Kitty with a pipe, knocking her out unconsciously]

---

Dudley: [recovering from consciousness as he, Kitty, and the network president are tied up to a missile] Kitty, what's going on?

Kitty: Bad news, Dudley. The Quacky the Duck Show has been cancelled, and Quacky's going to annihilate the network president as part of his revenge… and us along with him!

Dudley: [horrified shock] Wait! QUACKY'S BEEN CANCELLED?! NO! [to the network president] HOW COULD YOU?!

Sharing Moose: Hey, Didley, looks like you're the unlucky duck.

---

Dudley: Hang on, guys! TV's not ending on my watch!

---

Dudley: All's good that ends good.

Grammar Gopher: [pops out from trap door in floor] You mean, "All is well that ends well."

Kitty: [happily hugs him] Grammar Gopher, you're back! Oh, this is the bestest day ever!

Grammar Gopher: That's best day ever. "Bestest" isn't a real word, young lady.

Kitty: [to Quacky] Yeah, now I kinda see why you fired him.

Dudley: Man, this garage is a mess. I wonder what the museum's like?

Kitty: This is the museum.

Dudley: No wonder there are no cars.

Kitty: There it is, Dudley. King Mutt's treasure.

Dudley: Wow, an actual king! You know, my friend, Phil comes from royalty? His uncle's a duke. Or maybe his name is Duke? The point is, he has a pool table.

---

Bird Brain: Well played, Agent Puppy. But I knew it was you all along.

Snaptrap: Yeah, that's why you led that heroic charge into the Ancient Greek trash compactor.

Chameleon: Quit fighting and let's make a run for it!

Kitty: Dudley, it's time to take out the trash!

Chameleon: Ooh, I hope we can get the same cell. Then we'll really get to bond. Can I get a "team evil?"

Bird Brain: No, please! Put me in solitary!

---

Kitty: Dudley, there's more to our jobs than blowing things up.

Dudley: I know. That's why I brought a highlight reel of me punching bad guys. It's in odor-ama. You can smell the terror.

---

Little Chipmunk Girl: Why does the boring lady ruin career day?

---

Kitty: [in high-pitched voice] Wait, kids, think about your future!

Dudley: [laughs; also in high-pitched voice] Kitty, you sound funny! Hey, listen to me! I'm Tiny Dudley! A little secret agent who lives in a thimble, and eats mini-mini waffles! Now you say something funny.

Kitty: I hear a beeping sound.

Dudley: I don't get it.

Chameleon: Forgot the pirate-themed forks.

Dudley: [groans] Now I get it. Tiny Dudley drives a mini minivan. [back at T.U.F.F. Headquarters; still in high-pitched voice] I can't believe those kids turned evil!

Kitty: Dudley, the gas wore off ten minutes ago.

Dudley: I know, I just like talking like this. [now in low-pitched voice] I also like talking like this.

---

Chameleon: Good work, kids! Time to open the presents. [opens the first present, revealing a massage chair] Ooh, a massage chair! It's from the Chameleon. Oh, I shouldn't have. [shocked as all the kids begin opening presents] Oh, what are you doing?! All the presents are mine!

Raccoon Kid: But we helped steal 'em. They're ours too.

Kids: Yeah!

Chameleon: That tears it! I mean, stop tearing it! This is an override for your transformation suits. It's also a curling iron. I stole it from the pointless gadget store, eh! Now I control what you become! [changes all the kids into bugs and puts them into a bowl]

Little Chipmunk Girl: Why did you turn us into bugs, weird lizard man? I thought we were your friends.

Chameleon: You were my friends, until you touched my stuff! Now you're my supper! Notice, Agent Katswell, I didn't turn any of them into vegetables. Time to chow down.

Kitty: Dudley, we have to save those kids!

Dudley: Now's our chance to show them what being a secret agent is all about! Luckily, I still have my thermo-nuclear thermos. [presses the button with his tongue] Wow, that's hot root beer!

---

Kitty: Another thing about being secret agents, kids… [uses the override remote to change all the kids back into themselves] They also get to kick some bad guy butt!

[The kids all change into steel-toed cowboy boots and kick the Chameleon's buttocks]

Chameleon: Okay, I get the point! [laughs] I'm clever, even when I'm losing.

---

Raccoon Kid: Being a secret agent is way cooler than being a supervillain!

Kids: [chanting] We love T.U.F.F.! We love T.U.F.F.!

Dudley: Now let's celebrate with a real party!

---

Dudley: [in high-pitched voice] ¡Adios, amigos! I also like talking in French.

Dudley: Snaptrap, you're going to jail for blowing up the "Say Cheese" store.

Snaptrap: You know, it's weird. I've blown up a lot of combination cheese-and-camera shops, but I don't remember blowing up the one in Petsburg.

Ollie: Actually, boss, according to your schedule, we were at the D.O.O.M. picnic the day that store was blown up.

Dudley: Wait a minute. If you didn't blow it up, then who did? [to Chameleon] Chameleon?

Chameleon: Fine! I confess! It was me! I transformed myself into Snaptrap, and framed him! There, I said it! You broke me down! Your incredible psychological tactics are impossible to resist! I hope you are satisfied.

Dudley: I was just going to ask you if you had the key to unlock these handcuffs.

Chameleon: [facepalms himself] Oh, darn it!

Dudley: Why'd you do it, Chameleon?

Chameleon: To get rid of my criminal competition. Also, I wanted a free ride to Petsburg. There's a publisher there who rejected my book. I was going to put a very lonely rattlesnake in his bed!

Snaptrap: That means I'm innocent! I get to go home.

Dudley: Not so fast! You may not have blown up the store, but you still tried to annihilate the Chameleon and me. You're going to jail!

Snaptrap: Let's not play the blame game.

---

Chameleon: [disguised as a pot plant, then shapeshifts into a wolf citizen] Hello! It is I, the Chameleon-- I mean, Lord of the Flies! [holds up a plate of flies] Here, have a fly. I'm sorry, I'm all out of silverfish. Oh, tally-ho, English muffin, fish and chips! [looks at the Queen's crown] And now, to make my move! [transforms into his regular self, laughs evilly while crawling up the wall, attaches himself to the ceiling and rappels down onto the Queen's crown with his tail and tries to pull it off] What is this? A crown or a bike helmet?! And why is there a cake inside of it?!

Queen: Guards! Stop this thief at once!

[As the guards are about to seize the Chemeleon, Big Ben chimes]

Guard: Oh, jolly good, tea time!

Chameleon: No tea for me. I'm filled up on flies. Well, if I can't take the crown, I will have to take you! [grabs the Queen and escapes through the chimney]

Kitty: [flying over; to Dudley through her wrist-com] Dudley, the Chameleon's got the Queen! [The Chameleon turns himself into a British taxi with the Queen inside and drives away] Where are you?

Dudley: [still in prison tower] Over here.

[D.O.O.M. Headquarters; 3 to 5 years later…]

Snaptrap: [as he and his friends walk in; bummed] Well, that was a rough three to five years. I wonder if this carton of milk I left on the table is still good. Drink it, Francisco! [Francisco drinks the carton of spoiled milk, making his face turn green and collapses] Let's go steal some more milk at grocery store! I'll call T.U.F.F. and tell them.

Larry: Snaptrap, don't you get it by now? We keep on getting caught 'cause you always tell T.U.F.F. our plans!

Snaptrap: [in denial] I'm sorry, Larry. I can't hear you… FROM THE SHARK TANK! [pulls the lever, opening the shark tank underneath Larry and the sharks begin mauling him] Wow, you can really tell the sharks haven't eaten in three to five years.

Larry: [climbing out; fed up and outraged] That's it! I've had enough! You're a big, stinky bully, and I quit! [walks off with purpose]

Snaptrap: Sticks and stones, Larry! Seriously, guys. Throw sticks and stones at him!

[Ollie and Francisco throw sticks and stones at Larry as he exits]

Larry: OW! My bones!

Snaptrap: I have exciting news fellas! With Larry gone, you two get to take turns in the shark tank.

Ollie: [as he and Francisco look at each other and make a run for it] Wait up, Larry!

Snaptrap: [digs into his pockets] Darn it! I'm out of sticks and stones! Well, who needs those losers? I'm the only smart one around here anyway.

---

Kitty: It sure is easy when they tell us when and where they're committing their crimes. What boobs.

Chameleon: Hello?! These boobs have ears!

Kitty: Oh! Sorry, Chameleon.

---

Larry: [on-screen] It is I, Larry, leader of Genius Larry's Order of Mayhem, otherwise known as: "G.L.O.O.M."

Dudley: No offense, but "Larry's" not a very scary name.

Larry: Oh, all right. Then from now on, call me…Murray!

[Kitty and Chief gasp in shock]

Chief: Okay, Murray, you've got our attention. Now, just tell us your diabolical plan, so we can arrest you go out for brunch.

Murray (Larry): Ah! But that's the twist. I'm not gonna tell you my diabolical plan. Murray, out!

---

Murray (Larry): As soon as the sun goes down, I'll plunge this city into darkness and chaos and rob Petropolis blind! Then we can finally afford our own lair!

Francisco: That'll be great! I'm sick of runnin' into Snaptrap's mom in the bathroom. [he and Murray (Larry) quiver in disgust]

Kitty: Freeze, G.L.O.O.M. agents!

Murray (Larry): It's T.U.F.F. agent Kitty Katswell! Blast her with the fog machine! [Francisco mistakenly takes out the sewing machine] That's the sewing machine!

---

Snaptrap: Well, well, if it isn't the big bad G.L.O.O.M. agents and the super-scary Murray. I mean, Larry! I think someone owes me an apology.

---

Keswick: [in a quarantine bubble with a red stuffy nose] That's some nose you've got, Agent Puppy. I can't smell a… [stutters] thing. I have such a… [stutters] bad cold, I've quarantined myself. [sneezes and gets mucus all over inside the bubble] That's the last time I lick a hand-rail at the hospital. [an alarm suddenly goes off] Uh-oh. I'm getting intel that the Stink Bug is on the loose!

Dudley: Who's the Stink Bug?

Keswick: A diabolical bug villain who stinks, duh! It's right in his name. Because of his rancid smell, we drove him out of … [stutters] town.

Chief: Actually, we just told him to take a shower, but he made a big stink about it and left, vowing revenge!

Keswick: Well, he's back, and he's robbing the Limburger… [stutters] Cheese Factory. [sneezes]

---

Stink Bug: I told you, I DON'T shower! [gets in Percival's face] YOU ARE THE WORST EVIL INTERN EVER!

Percival: Oh, evil intern? I must've missed that in the job description.

---

Kitty: Put your hands up, Stink Bug! [Stink Bug raises his hands and his underarm odor melts her and Dudley's blasters; disgusted] Oh! Okay, put em' back down!

Keswick: She was the prettiest girl until that horrible accident that left her hairless.

---

Dudley: This stinks! Now my classmates are going to think I'm a loser.

Chief: Well, with any luck, everyone in your class will be a loser, too.

---

Lunch Lady Bug: No one is leaving till you all clean your plates! And by "clean your plates", I mean, "CEASE TO EXIST!!!"

Dudley: Wait a minute. Lunch Lady Bug? It was you all along? But why?

Lunch Lady Bug: Because I've put up with you insulting my food for years, and now, destroying your reunion will be my revenge!

Dudley: [to Kitty] She's crazy!

Kitty: Duh! She put snakes in her Spanish rice!

Lunch Lady Bug: And now, I will drown you all with this giant vat of gravy! [laughs manically] The sweet taste of revenge! Actually, it's a little lumpy. [laughs] The lumpy taste of revenge!

Dudley: Wait, Lunch Lady Bug! Not everyone hates your food! I love it and I always have! Your bratwurst are the wurst-bests, I mean, best-wursts-- wow, I have to go to the bathroom.

Lunch Lady Bug: Who cares what you think? You're just an assistant to an apprentice rodeo clown.

Dudley: No, I'm not! I'm a super-cool T.U.F.F. agent! Okay, I can't get the barrel off, but underneath it is an awesome black t-shirt, which come to think of it, really doesn't prove anything.

Kitty: The point is, he isn't a clown, and I'm not really a hairless cat!

Dudley: Yes, you are.

Kitty: I mean… I'm a T.U.F.F. agent too!

Lunch Lady Bug: I don't care who you are! In a few seconds, you'll be a garnish on my dish of death!

Dudley: Kitty, we'll have to fight food with food! Set your blaster to mashed potato!

Kitty: That's ridiculous! There's no setting for-- [sees the "mashed potato" setting on her blaster, thinking Dudley was right] Oh, look, there it is!

---

Snaptrap: Boy, robbing that old lady was a big mistake.

Chameleon: [disguised as Kitty's mother] When are you going to get married? Why don't you call me on my birthday?! Why can't you be more like your sister?!

Kitty: My sister's in jail!

Chameleon: Yes, but she used her one phone to call me on my birthday!

Kitty: [with her face turning red of fury] STOP COMPARING ME TO HER! I'M PRETTY, TOO!!

Chameleon: Actually, your shoulders are a little large, and we all know why you always wear gloves.

Kitty: Wow. Dudley is a terrible chief. Luckily, all of the city's worst villains are out of commission.

Keswick: Are they in jail?

Kitty: No, they're at an evil softball tournament in Petsburgh.

[Snaptrap, Bird Brain, and the Chameleon are seen playing there]

Snaptrap: I stole home! Seriously, I stole it. I also swiped the ref's watch. Start the car, Larry!

Keswick: Well, if all the bad guys are out there playing softball, then there's nothing to worry about.

[Lightning flashes over the city and the face of a new villain appears]

Meerkat: It's time to give Petropolis something to worry about! [holding a meeting in a diner with Wanna-Bee, Fiddler Crab, and Escape Goat] I call to order the first meeting of the Fiendish League of Potential Perpetrators: "F.L.O.P.P.!" Role call! Meerkat, oh that's me. And I'll have you know I'm no mere cat, I'm the MEERKAT! Get it, Mere Cat. [pulls out a sign with "Mere Cat" at the top and "Meerkat" at the bottom] See the difference? You kinda have to write it down. [throws the sign away] Moving on… Wanna-Bee?

Wanna-Bee: I'm here and I wanna be bad!

Meerkat: Oooh, I like your moxie. Missing Lynx, eh missing as usual. Fiddler Crab? [Fiddler Crab plays a fiddle note on his violin but one of the strings snap and hit him in the eye] Oh, that's a snappy ditty. Escape Goat?

Escape Goat: I'm here, and I'm forming my greatest escape yet! Has anyone seen a tiny key?!

Meerkat: Time to brainstorm a fiendish plan!

Wanna-Bee: Yeah! Let's do something super bad! [falls into the creamer]

Meerkat: Oh, dear, he's fallen in the creamer! Someone throw him a swizzle stick!

Escape Goat: Here's an evil plan. Why don't we dine and dash? Ha-ha!

Meerkat: Ooh, that's super evil! Let's do it!

---

Chief: You're going to jail, F.L.O.P.P.!

Meerkat: Oh, goody! Do you hear that, boys? We're going to jail like real criminals! [realizes] Oh, no! We're going to jail like real criminals!

---

Wolf Spitzer: Wolf Spitzer here with beloved children's TV host, and convicted felon, Quacky the Duck. We're at the grand opening of Quacky's new restaurant: Quack in the Box.

Quacky: Hey, kids! You're gonna love what's on the menu. It's better than prison food and I should know.

Sharing Moose: I'm only gonna say this once, "Eat here or else!"

Quacky: Okay, Sharing Moose. Save that charm for the drive-thru window.

Chief: Quacky's got a restaurant? Let's hurry and beat the crowd!

Keswick: Looks like the Sharing Moose is already… [stutters] doing that.

Sharing Moose: I said get in line, grandma!

Kitty: [speechless] I can't believe you guys are buying this. Do I need to remind you that Quacky tied me and Dudley to a rocket and fired us into space?

Keswick: Kitty, you have to learn to forgive and forget.

Kitty: Really? I bet Dudley hasn't forgiven or forgotten.

---

Wolf Spitzer: Quacky, isn't it a little coincidental that the T.U.F.F. agent who put you behind bars is the winner of your contest?

Quacky: Yeah, coincidental. That's what it is. Definitely not part of a sinister revenge plan that carved on a prison wall with a sharpened toothbrush.

Dudley: I WON! I WON! I STILL CAN'T BREATHE!

Quacky: Besides, Agent Puppy is my biggest fan and he'd do anything to make Quack in the Box a success.

Sharing Moose: You hear that, Wolf-man? [gets into Wolf Spitzer's face] Agent Puppy would do anything.

Dudley: I'd stop at nothing!

---

Sharing Moose: Well done, Quacky. Things are going just like we planned.

Quacky: Yeah! Once I activate those quacktion figures, they'll destroy every other fast food restaurant in Petropolis and make it look like Agent Puppy did it! [quickly realizes] Whoops! I said that over the drive-thru microphone.

Sharing Moose: [tosses the customer his meal and the customer drives away] Don't worry. I didn't put the stomach medicine in his sloppy meal. He'll never make it out of the parking lot.

Customer: [throws up and crashes] I'm gonna need an extra napkin!

---

Dudley: KITTY! DID YOU SEE ME ON TV?!

Kitty: I can't believe you're still into Quacky. He's a deranged lunatic who tried to annihilate us. Ooh! The Math Moth! He taught me long division and how to eat a wool sweater.

Keswick: Boy, Quacky's food really hits the spot. It's just the right blend of farming pesticides and irradiated artificial meat filler.

Chief: Whoa, Agent Puppy! Is that the Phonics Fox? You know, I've always had a crush on her. How do I look?

Keswick: Uh, Chief, you know she's not real.

Chief: Just because she's a lifeless plastic toy doesn't mean she's not real.

Keswick: That's exactly what it means. Looks like somebody needs to talk to the Sanity Seagull.

---

Wolf Spitzer: Wolf Spitzer here. Agent Puppy, did you destroy Argh-by's because you're a crazed Quacky the Duck fan and want to eliminate the competition?

Dudley: What? No! That's ridic--

[Kitty falls on him]

Wolf Spitzer: There you have it. Proof positive that it's raining cats.

---

Snaptrap: [after Dudley passes out from hyperventilating too much] Boy, he really is an idiot. [he and Wolf Spitzer pose; end of episode]

Dudley: Oh, no! Snaptrap's licking people's wallets! Gotta stop him!

---

Dudley: Shut up and buy a car!

---

Keswick: Oh, you are so… [stutters] found out, Agent Puppy!

Kitty: We knew you were lying all along, Dudley. So we thought we'd teach you a lesson.

Chief: Dr. Fineberg agreed to be an evil supervillain to help us out.

Dudley: [in Kitty's body after using Keswick's Brain Switcher to switch his brain with hers] (Yes!) It worked! Now as far as anyone knows, I'm Kitty. And that's just me asleep on the floor again. Now to make a date with Jack. [calls Jack's number; badly imitating Kitty] Hi, Jack. It's Kitty. I got your message.

Jack: Kitty, what's wrong with your voice?

Dudley/Kitty: Uh, I have a fur ball in my throat, because I'm a cat, and not a dog with my brain inside a cat's body. [laughs nervously] Wanna meet for lunch?

Jack: Love to. Meet me at 12:00 at our Our Old Hangout.

Dudley/Kitty: Uh… I don't remember where that is, and not because I'm just pretending to be Kitty and don't know you that well. [laughs nervously again]

Jack: Actually, we've never been there before. "Our Old Hangout" is the name of a new restaurant on main street. I'll see you there.

Dudley/Kitty: Beware Jack Rabbit. There's a new Kitty in town, and her name is Dumpley Puppy! [falls to the floor] Aah! I twisted my ankle! [Later shows up at Our Old Hangout restaurant where Jack is waiting] Hi, Jackie-poo! [accidentally trips on him while having trouble walking in Kitty's boots] Sorry, I'm late. I had to put on my lady face. [giggles]

Jack: Kitty, It's good to see you. I thought about you a lot while I was in the slammer.

Dudley/Kitty: Well, you deserved to be in jail. [slaps Jack in the face]

Jack: [points to his convertible car outside] Actually, The slammer is my high powered European sports car. It's an XJ-5 Convertible.

Dudley/Kitty: Yeah? Well, your fancy car doesn't impress me. I only came here to tell you, I want nothing to do with you! Oh, and to do this! [splashes a glass of water in Jack's face] And this! [squirts ketchup in his face] And maybe this too! [pushes a stick of butter on his forehead] And don't bother wiping your face, 'cause I never want to see it again!

---

Dudley/Kitty: Just so you know, after my free lunch, free dessert, and free to-go order, I never wanna see you again!

Jack: Oh, I beg you, Kitty. Spend the day with me. [takes out his credit card] I'll take you anywhere you wish to go.

Dudley/Kitty: Anywhere?

---

Kitty: [in Dudley's body] Dudley's gotta be here. He eats every meal at Mr. Wong's all-you-can-eat buffet.

Mr. Wong: Dudley Puppy! I told you to never come back! You paid $6.95 and ate $10,000 worth of food!

Kitty/Dudley: I did?

Mr. Wong: And what you didn't eat, you stuffed in your shirt for later!

Kitty/Dudley: Oh! Eww!

Mr. Wong: You're gonna pay, one way or another!

---

Dudley/Kitty: [on the phone] I'd like to order a dune buggy, and a pot roast the size of a dune buggy.

Kitty/Dudley: Dudley, have you gone crazy?! Why did you trade brians with me?

Dudley/Kitty: Keep your shirt on! I don't want my Chinese noodles to fall out. [Kitty groans angrily at him] Look, I know you're mad, but I did it to protect you from Jack Rabbit. I was afraid he'd try and do something bad to you again. But as it turns out, he's an awesome guy who just left his sunglasses in the top secret T.U.F.F. computer room.

Kitty/Dudley: What?! Jack's back?! Dudley, he used his charms to trick you!

Dudley/Kitty: Actually, he used it to buy me a dune buggy. I love him, Kitty!

---

Snaptrap: [in Kitty's body after switching brains with him] Wow! I can get even bigger tips now!

Dudley: Hi-YAH! [punches Snaptrap in the nose, knocking him out] Take that, Snaptrap! [to Kitty] Sorry, Kitty. I think I broke your nose.

Jack: [comes out of the top secret computer room] The list is on this flash drive, Snaptrap.

Kitty: [imitating Snaptrap while in his body] Yeah. That's who I am. Snaptrap and not a girl cat in a really gross rat's body. Are there noodles in my shirt? Do all guys do this?

Jack: [tosses the flash drive in "Snaptrap's" hands] You've got your list. Now, give me my money.

Kitty: No chance, Jack. 'Cause I'm not really Snaptrap. [picks up the Brain Switcher; in normal voice] I'm Kitty Katswell!

---

Mr. Wong: Dudley Puppy, you crossed the Wong guy! Get it? 'Cause my name is Wong.

Kitty: You know, this is a secret agency. We really should lock the door.

---

Dudley: [in Jack's body; imitating Jack's voice] Here's my credit card, Mr. Wong. It should cover all the food Dudley ate. And all the food he's planning to eat in the future.

Mr. Wong: [takes the credit card; kindly] Thank you, wise and handsome stranger. [leaves the building]

---

Snaptrap: [sitting in his chair, wearing his bunny slippers and robe; bummed] Woe is me. [sighs with depression]

Ollie: Oh, are you depressed, boss?

Snaptrap: Well, yes. Also, I've changed my name to "Woe."

Larry: What's wrong, Snaptrap?

Snaptrap: [shouting angrily] IT'S "WOE", LARRY!

Elderly Kitty: Dudley, what have you done?!

Elderly Chief: Get him!

---

Kitty: That chocolate volcano is gonna blow! We're going to get buried in hot fudge!

[The chocolate volcano then erupts]

Dudley: [excitedly] Yay, hot fudge! [the fudge lands on his nose and burns him; painfully] OW, HOT FUDGE!

Kitty: Keep working, Keswick. Here's a piece of pizza. [slides a slice of pizza under the door]

Kewsick: I CAN'T REACH THE PIZZA! Oh, [stuttering] SURE! I guess I'll just STARVE!!

---

Wolf Spitzer: Wolf Spitzer here for Access Hollywolf. I'm with former kid show host and convicted felon, Quacky the Duck, and his scary partner, the Sharing Moose. They are out of prison and making their first feature film.

Quacky: Which is definitely a real movie, and not a villainy cover up for heinous crimes.

Sharing Moose: That's right. I spent a year in solitary writing the screenplay.

Quacky: Seriously? You actually wrote a real screenplay?

Sharing Moose: It's a touch in celebration of life. And if the actors mess it up, they will never forget the taste of my FIST!

Wolf Spitzer: And who are these lucky actors of what you speak?

Quacky: Well, Wolf, we cast three local suckers, I mean, local citizens in the starring roles.

Kitty: [turns off the screen] What kind of idiots would wanna star in a Quacky the Duck movie?

[Elevator doors open]

Dudley: KITTY, WE'RE STARRING IN A QUACKY THE DUCK MOVIE!

Snaptrap: Attention T.U.F.F., soon there won't be candy for anyone.

Bird Brain: Because we're stealing it. If you leave that part out, it's confusing.

Chameleon: It was clear to me.

Bird Brain: That's because you know the plan. The T.U.F.F. agents don't!

Snaptrap: Fellas, as much as I hate you two, I think we should put out a United Front for the good guys.

Bird Brain: And I think you should be more clear when you call in a threat!

Chameleon: Oh, come on. United Front, group hug.

Snaptrap: Villains out! Stop touching me, weirdo.

Bird Brain: Giant Hot Dog to base. I'm in position and feeling totally humiliated.

Snaptrap: [through walkie-talkie] Pipe down and act delicious.

---

Bird Brain: [to Snaptrap; annoyed] You are one dumb rat.

Snaptrap: As we were saying, before we were so rudely interrupted, you can't stop us because…

Chief: Yeah, yeah. We already know your stupid plan is legal.

Chameleon: We're also going to throw a book at the baby.

Bird Brain: We're not doing that.

Snaptrap: Bad guys out!

Chief: Yeah, of your common sense. You just rode your scooter up 40 flights of stairs.

---

Chameleon: [putting money in a safe vault in the wall of a motel room] This is my best plan yet! Soon, I'll have more money than I currently have! Plus, the old-lady sheep seem to really enjoy the Latin charms of Ricardo Muttonban. [disguises himself as Ricardo] Right until I take all of their money, that is! With this disguise, it's so easy to pull the wool over their eyes. Oh-ho, wow! That was clever, and it rhymed. Clever wordplay is the hallmark of comedy!

Wolf Spitzer: This is Wolf Spitzer with rich-people news. New super-easy-to-take-advantage-of socialite Lady Saggy Moneybags Wrinklesmith III is throwing a cotillion.

Dudley: [speaking in a falsetto accent] Which is a dance, and not the number that comes after a billion, like you would think.

Wolf Spitzer: This is Wolf Spitzer saying, "No one thought that." Anyway, every rich, old sheep in town is invited to Lady Wrinklesmith's yacht tonight.

Chameleon: That Wrinklesmith's face could stop a clock. [shudders in disgust] But I wonder how much she's worth?

Wolf Spitzer: In case you're wondering how much Lady Saggy Moneybags Wrinklesmith III is worth, it's--

Dudley: A cotillion dollars!

Wolf Spitzer: We've been over this. That's not a number.

---

Snaptrap: Come on, guys. Someone's gotta have a diabolical plan. What's the point of having a think tank if no one has any ideas?

Larry: I'm not sure this is a think tank, Snaptrap.

Snaptrap: What are you talking about? We're thinking, and we're in a tank. Plus, I'm wearing a tank top. Now, somebody come up with an evil plan before we run out of air.

Snaptrap's Mom: [through speaker] Verminious! What did you do to my toe cream?

Snaptrap: It's under your bunion cream, Mom! It's gross, guys. Her feet have more bumps than the surface of the moon.

Snaptrap's Mom: Verminious! How many stamps do I need to send an email?

Snaptrap: Boy, mom's are the worst.

Francisco: Yeah, tell me about it. This one time I didn't clean up my room, and my mom tried to turn me into a pair of boots.

Ollie: My mom was equally horrid. Her crumpets were dry and lumpy.

Larry: I love my mommy. She's cool. She always takes care of me when I get hurt.

Snaptrap: I hope you have her on speed dial. Hey, all this mom talk gave me an idea for a diabolical plan. We'll build a giant space laser, point it at my house, and when my mom's looking up at it, I'll run away from home!

Ollie: Or we could just send all the mom's in Petropolis to a deserted island.

Snaptrap: Why would we reward them from being super annoying by taking them to a whimsical all you can eat dessert restaurant?

Ollie: Not Dessert Island. A deserted island.

Snaptrap: Ooh, I like it! All in favor of ridding Petropolis of all mom's, stand up. Hey, guys, what are we all doing in this tank?

---

Kitty: I changed my mind! This is not a great plan! Why do I have to be the butt?

Dudley: Mom's have big butts, Kitty. If you're not back there, Snaptrap will get suspicious.

Bird Brain: Gather around, henchmen!

Owl: Who?

Bird Brain: You!

Bat: Where?

Bird Brain: Where do you think?! Around me! Duck! Don't duck, I was talking to the duck! [annoyingly facepalms himself] Holy cow. Not you, Holy Cow. Oh, now I've lost my train of thought. Oh, right! I've invented a new hideously diabolical weapon! I call it, the Lovey-Dovey-Kissy-Smoochy gun! I admit the name could be scarier.

Zippy: How does it work, boss?

Bird Brain: It causes anyone I blast to fall madly in love with me!

---

[Petropolis Prison; The F.L.O.P.P. members are being released]

Meerkat: At last, sweet freedom! Now the members of F.L.O.P.P., the Fiendish League of Potential Perpetrators, can be reunited in crime! Right, Wanna-Bee?

Wanna-Bee: Yeah! 'Cause I wanna be bad!

Escape Goat: So do I, but how can we commit crimes without going back to jail?!

Wanna-Bee: We could rob each other, and not press charges!

Meerkat: I have a better idea. I've contacted an old friend, who leads the exciting life of a supervillain, but has never gone to jail.

Escape Goat: What's his secret?

Meerkat: He's never actually committed a crime. Oh, he threatens to, but it's always a bluff. Fellow members of F.L.O.P.P., meet the Bluffalo!

Bluffalo: Hello, look at me. I'm parked in a handicapped space in a stolen van. [Meerkat, Wanna-Bee, and Escape Goat scream] Just kidding. I'm legally parked, and I'm leasing this.

Meerkat: I told you he was good.

Bluffalo: With my help, you will be able to terrorize Petropolis with empty threats, and never go to prison. Now, who wants some stolen pizza? [Meerkat, Wanna-Bee, and Escape Goat scream again] I'm bluffing. I paid for it, and left a 20% tip. [giggles]

---

[F.L.O.P.P. and the Bluffalo lurk beside the donut shop with boxes of fudgie bars]

Meerkat: [high-fives with Bluffalo] Bluffalo, you're brilliant! Ooh, and I'm diabetic. I shouldn't have eaten all those fudgie bars.

Escape Goat: I'd say let's make our escape, but we didn't do anything wrong!

Bluffalo: And that is the genius of the Bluffalo. Now, let's race to the F.L.O.P.P. shed, while obeying all traffic laws. [They hop into a golf cart and drive away] This is not my golf cart. My brother-in-law loaned it to me.

[Next morning at T.U.F.F. headquarters; Kitty, Keswick and the Chief are drinking coffee as Dudley appears, looking a little bigger]

Chief: Uh-oh! It's the diabolical Dr. Half-Dog!

Dudley: No, Chief! [squats down, revealing his head] It's me! And I'm tall! Check it out! I can dunk and reach the ham. I can even dunk a ham!

Chief: [jumps onto the hoop and smacks the ham out of Dudley's hand] You may be tall, but I got mad hops.

---

Keswick: I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we'll never run out of potato salad.

[Dudley, Kitty, and the Chief cheer]

Chief: There's no news bad enough to offset that!

Keswick: And the bad news is I can't stop the effects of the grow-faster blaster, which means big trouble for Agent Puppy.

Dudley: Oh, no! I'm gonna turn into a potato! My seventh greatest fear has been realized!

Chief: But we're still good with the potato salad, right?

[Dudley suddenly starts growing bigger as the size of the headquarters building, with his arms, legs, and head sticking out]

Dudley: [with his eyes closed tightly] I can't bear to look! Am I potato?!

---

Dudley: [relieved after letting out a massive fart by blowing up and destroying the headquarters building] Ah, that's better! I mean, gross, Kitty!

Chief: Believe it or not, my horoscope said this would happen.

Keswick: What do you know? "A giant dog fart will destroy everything you've worked for."

Kitty: "You will soar to new heights."

Dudley: [confused] I don't get it. [grows a little more to an enormous size] Oh, now I get it! Hang on, I got an itch.

---

Dudley: [gloomy] Being tall wrecked everything. I'm so sad I don't even feel like singing.

---

Chief: Mad hops! Sorry, I realized that was a little counterproductive.

---

[Dudley, Kitty and the Chief enter T.U.F.F. Headquarters, only to see that its name is changed to "Keswick presents T.U.F.F." with all the paintings and sculptures that are Keswick-themed]

Chief: [baffled] What is going on around here? Who changed the name of T.U.F.F. to "Keswick presents T.U.F.F.?"

Kitty: Do you really have to ask?

Chief: Yeah, after I heard myself say it, it was pretty clear.

---

Keswick: You can't discuss official T.U.F.F. business in front of a civilian.

Chief: Who are you calling a civilian? I'm the Chief!

Keswick: Not anymore. I deactivated your security… [stutters] clearance when I thought you retired.

Chief: That's ridiculous! I'm going to my office.

Dudley: Thanks for having a snowball fight with me, Mr. President of the United States. [gets hit in the face with a snowball]

Simulated Eagle President: You're welcome, Dudley. And since we're best friends now, you can call me, "Mr. United States."

---

Simulated Michael Crane: It's always a pleasure to hang out with my best friend, Dudley Puppy.

Dudley: This is awesome! I have so many famous bird friends!

Keswick: Agent Puppy, get out of the simulation station.

Dudley: Come on, Keswick. This is your coolest invention ever! Whatever I imagine in here becomes real! In fact, could you come in here for a second? I'd like to imagine you not bothering me.

Keswick: Agent Puppy, I created the simulation station to train agents for dangerous, real-life situations, not so you could good off with a has-been actor and a lame duck president.

Dudley: He's not a duck. He's an eagle. Besides, Kitty said it was okay.

Simulated Kitty: I did. I think everything Dudley does is okay, if not amazing.

Keswick: That is not the real Agent Katswell.

Dudley: I know. I call her, "agreeable Kitty." She's way better. [sees the real Kitty and gets startled]

Kitty: Better, Dudley? How is she better?

Dudley: Well, for one thing, she doesn't scare me like you just did. Also, her head is a gumball machine.

---

Chief: Agent Puppy, I'm only gonna ask you this once. Did you take Keswick's coffee cup? [Keswick whispers to him; shocked] He did what?! That's way worse! Agents Puppy and Katswell, go get that simulated Michael Crane, and bring him back to T.U.F.F.! Keswick, go put agreeable Kitty back in the simulation station.

Keswick: One second, Chief. I'm trying to get a cherry gumball. [Agreeable Kitty explodes] The gumballs were all backed up.

---

Keswick: [eating an Animal Quacker] These taste like sugar cookies!

Kitty: Don't tell anyone I said this, but these are even better than my Carp Tarts!

Bill: I'm from the Carp Tarts company, and I heard that. You're fired, Ms. Katswell.

Kitty: You've been spying on me?

Bill: The Carp Tarts company checks up on all their spokespeople. [chuckles] Oh, boy, hiding behind a ficus sure works up an appetite. [eats an Animal Quacker] Mm! Man, these are better than Carp Tarts! [chuckles] I can say that, 'cause no one's spying on me.

Executive: Wrong, Bill! You're FIRED!

Bill: [disappointed] Oh, great. Now I gotta go sell board games in the alley. [walks away, moping]

Dudley: I'm sorry you lost your spokesperson job, Kitty, but the important thing is, I still have mine. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to use my super deep TV voice to sell more cookies!

Dudley: Guys, I don't know how to tell you this, but the aliens Keswick contacted are hostile.

Chief: Yeah, we kinda noticed.

---

Snaptrap: Great. You pressed the "Free the Crow" button. You've earned yourself a time-out, mister. Slither into the corner. Don't sass me, freak show. [crow attacks Snaptrap] Aah! The crow!

---

Chief: Okay, I've had some time to get over the mop. And I've decided I can't get over the mop. So we're going after it! Keswick, break out the heavy artillery.

Keswick: I would, Chief. But the key to activate the weapon system is in… [stutters] Kitty's purse. Just kidding, it's in my f-fanny pack. [chuckles]

Chief: [laughs] Yeah, good one, Keswick.

---

Dudley: Could you hurry up? I'm trying to save the city. Also, there's a bee in here.

---

Dudley: That's weird. Never punched someone in the nose and the foot at the same time.

Larry: Seriously? I had my head shaved for this?

Snaptrap: What's your problem, Larry? If you rob weddings, you get great stuff. Plus, you ruin the happiest day of a young couple's life.

---

Larry: Hang on, Snaptrap. I'm just as good a henchman as the Chameleon. Look at me, I'm a table. Put your presents and/or empty drink glasses on me.

---

Chief: Knock it off, you two. You can fight after you marry like everyone else does. We've got a wedding to plan!

---

Ollie: Grilled panini with warm gravy, boss?

Snaptrap: Thanks, Ollie. It smells delightful. Do me a favor. Go toss Larry in the wood chipper we stole from the lumberjack wedding.

Chameleon: Looks like we're back in the wedding fashion business.

Larry: Don't be a dope, Chameleon. We've already stolen more stuff than we have room for. Right, Snaptrap?

Snaptrap: We'll have more room once you're in the bark bucket.

---

Snaptrap: Suit up, boys. We've got a wedding to crash!

---

Dudley: Eww! I pretended you were chicken and/or fish, but it didn't help.

Kitty: That's weird, cause I tasted ham.

---

Chief: Ha! Good one, Keswick. I missed your cruel whimsy. Come on, let's share a piece of wedding cake. My stomach is rumbling.

Keswick: That's not your stomach, Chief. It's the frosting pipeline. It's gonna [stutters] blow!

[Bird Brain and Zippy are both standing in front of the Brawny Booby clothing store]

Zippy: Bird Brain, why are robbing the Brawny Booby? You always rob the Big-Bottomed Booby.

Bird Brain: Because Zippy, I've made a serum out of the Bird of Powerdise flower! Once I take it, I'll be young, handsome, and I'll feel out a muscle shirt like no booby's business! There may be some freaky side effects like: uncontrollable skipping, and the inability to pronounce the letter "R." But, blue bottoms up! [gulps down the serum and grows a full head of hair and a stylish muscular body] Now, look at me. I'm WIPPED! Oh, dear. I sound widiculous. No matter, I look like a gweek god! Hooway! [skips on inside] Evewybody out! This is a wobbewy! [all the other boobys are confused; sighs in frustration] A bugwugwy?! Just get out! [puts on a pair of skinny jeans] Oh, this is fantastic. Finally, I can get into skinny jeans without gweasing my waist with butter.

Chief: Oh, no! Keswick's there! He was picked to be the judge because he's so good with kids.

Larry: We're in, Snaptrap! Time to get a new set of wheels.

Snaptrap: Yeah, and as long as we're here, we might as well steal a whole car. But which one? The minivan has a DVD player and plenty of legroom for hostages. But the electric car is good for the stupid environment. And the engine's quiet, so our victims won't hear us coming.

Francisco: Eh, boss, you better make a decision fast. T.U.F.F. is probably on the way.

Snaptrap: Back off, Francisco! I'm having trouble deciding. Let's see. Bucket seats, moonroof, or should we all just go out for breakfast pasta? [Ollie splashes Snaptrap] Thanks, Ollie. The cold water cleared my head. I'm going with the minivan, and breakfast pasta.

Dudley: Freeze, Snaptrap!

Snaptrap: I already did. The water was ice cold.

---

Kitty: [sees Dudley wearing a trash can on his head] Dudley, why are you wearing a trash can on your head?

Dudley: Isn't it cool? Some smart girl on TV was wearing one. I heard she was poisoned.

---

Snaptrap: This menu is huge! I'll never decide what to get with my breakfast pasta.

Larry: I like blackened catfish.

Snaptrap: And I like blackened Larry. [blasts Larry]

Chief: We blew all our money on our pet projects. Keswick built "Robot Supermodel Einstein".

---

Meerkat: I hereby call to order this meeting of F.L.O.P.P.: The Fiendish League of Potential Perpatrators!

Escape Goat: It's just me, Meerkat. You don't have to yell. Also, I know what F.L.O.P.P. stands for.

Meerkat: [offended] You know, Escape Goat, you've got quite an attitude for someone who couldn't even escape from the shower this morning!

[Dudley and Kitty accidentally eat Keswick's Truth Syrup on their waffles, making them tell the truth]

Chief: Agent Puppy, I can't believe you misread the syrup bottle. Actually, I can't believe it. You can't even read the exit sign.

Dudley: I read better than you think. I just pretended to be stupid to get Kitty to do my work for me. [realizes what he said in shock] Oh, no! What am I saying?!

Kitty: That's okay, Dudley. It's not that much work. I just complain a lot so it looks like I'm doing more. Also, I think I'm better than all of you. [shocked by what she said] Oh, no! What am I saying?!

Chief: Keswick, it looks like your Truth Syrup works. What other secrets are you two keeping from us?

---

Keswick: Mmm. Chief, this three-bean salad you made is delicious!

Chief: Thanks. Although to tell you the truth, I didn't make it. I just took it out of the refrigerator. There's all kinds of stuff in here.

Keswick: [stuttering] Wait a minute. This is my Spill-The-Beans Salad! It's just as powerful as my… [stutters] truth syrup, but with fewer calories!

Chief: Oh, no! Truth beans give me gas. To be honest, I always have gas, but I blame it on Agent Puppy. Oh!

Keswick: I never have gas. I'm an alien. Oops!

Chief: Keswick, are you really an alien?

Keswick: No. Yes. I'm hiding out on Earth because I'm wanted on my own planet for cooking stinky fish at work. Super strict planet.

---

[Dudley and Kitty serve the D.O.O.M. agents some waffles with Truth Syrup on them, making them all tell the truth]

Snaptrap: These are delicious. Francisco, pass me more syrup.

Francisco: My name isn't really Francisco. It's Francesca. My mom wanted a girl. [realizes what he said] Wait, what am I saying?

Ollie: Aw, that's okay, Francesca. I'm not really British. [in a French accent] I just faked the accent to sound smarter.

Snaptrap: Something weird is happening. Suddenly I have the urge to tell Larry that I don't actually hate him. I'm only hard on him because I think he has the most potential to be evil.

Larry: And I have the urge to admit I've been putting black widows in your gym bag. [realizes what he said; freaking out] What's gotten into us?!

Dudley: I just gave you truth syrup, and I didn't have to tell you because I can lie again. Keswick gave us the antidote-- Key Lie Pie!

---

[News footage on the screen monitor shows some police cars in front of a house robbery]

Wolf Spitzer: This is Wolf Spitzer with breaking news. There are reports that Bigfoot… Yes, Bigfoot, has robbed this strangely familiar home behind me. [realizes in shock] Wait, that's my house!

Wolf Spitzer's Daughter: [tapping him in the shoulder] Daddy, Bigfoot… Yes, Bigfoot, stole my video games.

Wolf Spitzer: Well, sweetie, that's no big deal.

Mrs. Spitzer: He also stole your golf clubs.

Wolf Spitzer: That monster! [vengefully] Bigfoot must be hunted down and DESTROYED!

Dudley: This is ridiculous! Bigfoot would never hurt anyone! He's kind, and generous, and he has a heart as big as his foot.

Kitty: How would you know that, Dudley?

Dudley: Because he came to comfort me when I was a kid after my mom sent me to bed without dessert. I didn't do anything wrong when we were just out of dessert.

---

[At D.O.O.M. Headquarters… Snaptrap is dressed up in a Bigfoot costume]

Ollie: Great plan, boss. Dressing up like Bigfoot so you can scare people out of their houses was a stroke of genius!

Snaptrap: Oh, that wasn't my plan. I was just trying on this cheesy costume for the D.O.O.M. costume party, and I must be allergic to it. Anywho, my glands swelled up like balloons, and now I can't get this stupid thing off.

Ollie: Then what were you doing in Wolf Spitzer's house?

Snaptrap: Looking for an antihistamine. Then everyone ran out screaming, so I did what I always do, I took all their stuff.

Larry: So once again, you had no plan at all.

---

[Dudley and Kitty arrive at the Spitzer's house]

Dudley: I'm telling you, Kitty, there's no proof Bigfoot robbed this house. [rings the doorbell]

Wolf Spitzer: [answers the door] This is Wolf Spitzer with proof that Bigfoot… Yes, Bigfoot, definitely robbed my house. [holds up a photo of Bigfoot breaking into his house and stealing his golf clubs]

Dudley: [snatches the photo out Wolf's hands] You're a big lying liar! This could be any 8-foot tall hair creature with giant feet. [rips up the photo into pieces]

Wolf Spitzer: This is Wolf Spitzer saying that I have a copy of this photo. [takes out a copy of the original photo]

Dudley: [whispering to him, mistaking him for Kitty] Why is he talking into a mic?

Wolf Spitzer: This is Wolf Spitzer saying you whispered that to me.

Kitty: Maybe we can talk to someone else, Mr. Spitzer.

Wolf Spitzer's Daughter: This is Wolf Spitzer's Daughter, so, you can talk to me.

---

Dudley: [consoling Bigfoot] I'll figure out some way to get you out of here, buddy. I just need to think. Thinking is hard. Maybe I'll just make some hot chocolate. That's hard too. Or maybe I'll just sit here. [jumps and sits down on the floor] Ah, the floor is hard.

Wolf Spitzer: [on screen monitor] This is Wolf Spitzer saying Bigfoot has struck again! And this time, he's teamed up with the beloved former show pony, Shenanigans. Yes, Shenanigans.

Dudley: Hey, look, Bigfoot. You're on TV. Wait. You're on TV. That means… [groans] more thinking. No, wait, I've got it. You're innocent! That means you're innocent!

[Petropolis Arcade; Dudley and the Chameleon (disguised as Denise) have gotten the highest score in competing the Dance Dance Blast the Ants competition]

Toby Finkle: With the so-called power vested in me as assistant manager of the Petropolis Arcade, I, Toby Finkle, have declared Dudley and Denise the winners. [the key slips out of their hands and hits the Chameleon in the head] You might wanna wipe the key off. [holds up a sweaty palm] I have a sweating problem.

Chameleon: Oh, yes! In your face, Finkle! That's what you get when you mess with me… The Chameleon! [rips off his woman wig]

Toby Finkle: You?! But I used my so-called authority to ban you from these primacies.

Chameleon: I flagrantly disregard your ban! And now, for my revenge!

Dudley: Revenge? I thought we were here to dance!

Chameleon: That was your thing, we're doing my thing now! [shapeshifts into a shoe and kicks Dudley in a closet; then takes out a bomb, making everyone scream and run away] Not so fast, Finkle! [grabs Toby with his tongue when he tries to escape and brings him back to the dance machine, and attaches the bomb; laughing manically] With this key, I will set the game on an endless loop, and you, Toby Finkle, will have to dance perfectly, because if you miss a step, KA-BLOOEY! Good luck keeping your job if this place blows up on your watch! [starts the game]

Dance Machine Voice: Dance Dance Blast the Ants!

Toby Finkle: [as the machine shows two players needed and the bomb starts to overheat] Okay, two things: One, this is a partner's game, and two, if this place blows, we're both goners!

Chameleon: Oh, right, I didn't think this through. [joins in] This is just like Denise to make bad choices! I've got to stop trying to get through life on my looks!

Kitty: [sobbing along with Dudley] We're never gonna get Tammy back!

Chief: [sobbing] I give anything to hear Tammy's voice one more time!

Larry: My minds not blown.

Snaptrap: [blasts Larry] It is now.

Kitty: Oh, my gosh! We've been robbed!

Dudley: We should call T.U.F.F.!

Kitty: We are T.U.F.F.

Dudley: Then we should call ourselves. Except we can't, our phones were stolen.

Chief: Oh, there's no crime. The government just cut our funding and took all our stuff. They even took my monitor cart and replaced it with this little red wagon and magnifying glass. Oh, they don't appreciate us anymore. Wow, it's hot in here!

Keswick: Who cares what the government thinks? We're dedicated crime fighters, and no one can stop us from doing our job. [stutters] By the way, are they still paying us?

Chief: Yes, but with buttons and grated cheese.

Keswick: See ya.

Kitty: Keswick, don't go!

Dudley: Let him go, Kitty. I want his buttons and cheese.

Keswick: I'm not going anywhere.

Chief: You realize the importance of loyalty?

Keswick: No, they turned off the power to the elevators. And there's no way I'm… [stutters] walking down 111 flights of stairs.

Dudley: Well, at least the government didn't take our vending machine. I'm gonna get a candy bar. [tries sticking a button in the vending machine coin slot, but it doesn't go in] Great! This thing doesn't take buttons. What are all these weird foods in here?

Chief: To save money. They replaced all the good stuff with cheap generic snacks. Is anyone else hot?

Dudley: "Onion Wrongs"? "Stale Mix"? "Grief Jerky"? [pounds vending machine] It's sad, cause there's nothing in the bag. [kicks vending machine] "Powdered Do-nots?" [eats but gags] Oh, "Do not" eat them. Okay, why couldn't this bag have been empty?

Keswick: That's not real powdered sugar. Everything in that… [stutters] vending machine is made from Chemical 19. It's perfectly safe, as long as you're immune to radiation and your body has the ability to… [stutters] digest glass.

[T.U.F.F. headquarters; Tammy is in the elevator putting makeup on, the elevator doors open, revealing Keswick laying on a floating pink cloud with hearts in his eyes and staring dreamily at her]

Keswick: Morning, Tammy! [Tammy screams] I've been on Cloud 9 since I met you. Cloud 9 is the name of the hovering platform I built to be closer to your face. [Tammy closes the elevator doors on his nose] Love hurts.

---

Chief: Let me guess, Tammy trouble?

Keswick: Yeah. It just seems my wooing isn't working.

Dudley: Well, maybe Kitty can (help) give you some girl advice. She's kind of a girl.

Kitty: [flicks Dudley in the ear; annoyed] Thanks, Dudley. And you're kind of a secret agent. So, how exactly have you been wooing her, Keswick?

Keswick: Well let's see, I snuck into her house, then wrote "I love you" on her bathroom mirror in ketchup.

[Tammy screams in horror at the message on the bathroom mirror, believing it's written in blood]

---

Keswick: Agent Puppy, this is a nightmare!

Dudley: You're telling me. I really wanted that lemon cream donut.

Keswick: I'm never gonna win Tammy over. [sighs in depression]

Dudley: You just gotta keep trying, Keswick. I know women, and the one thing they love is being desperately pursued by a guy they're not interested in.

---

[Petropolis Hospital; Snaptrap and Bird Brain are recovering after being beaten by Tammy]

Snaptrap: Well, this is humiliating.

Bird Brain: You're telling me. Two respected thespians, such as ourselves, reduced to being beaten up by a girl?!

Snaptrap: No, I was talking about my hospital gown. It doesn't close in the back.

Bird Brain: We should give that Tammy a taste of her own medicine.

Snaptrap: Sorry, I'm gonna need all my medicine. She really kicked my butt. Which as I mentioned, it's the only part of me this robe isn't covering.

---

Chief: Agent Puppy, what's all the commotion? You just interrupted a quiet day at the spa agency.

Kitty: Chief, it's a spy agency.

Chief: Then who just gave me a deep tissue massage?

---

Bird Brain: Henchman, this skate-bird is just what I need to exact my revenge on the Owl Force Academy. This hoity-toity hooters rejected my application.

Owl: Who?

Bird Brain: The Owl Force. Come on! Your brother's the captain. Remember? I asked you to put in a good word for me.

Dudley: Listen, Kitty. There's something I need to tell you.

Kitty: You can tell me anything.

Dudley: Really? You promise not to get mad?

Kitty: [sniffs] Mmm-hmm.

Dudley: I wasn't poisoned. I just didn't want you to be mad because I ate your cupcakes. Whoo! Okay. Yeah, feels good to get that off my chest.

Kitty: [lividly] Dudley! HOW COULD YOU?! [roars in fury and tries to pulverize him]

Dudley: You promised you wouldn't get mad! I feel like you're mad!

Bird Brain: Thank you all for coming to this diabolical debriefing.

Snaptrap: Whoa. No one said anything about taking our underpants off.

Bird Brain: I'm trying to explain the plan. We're not taking off our briefs.

Snaptrap: Oh, good. Cause that's where I'm keeping all the silverware I stole from Bird Brain.

Chameleon: Oh, remind me to never go to a dinner party at your house.

Bird Brain: Quiet, you two! Behold, my de-good-i-fier! It sucks the good right out of people. If we use it on the T.U.F.F. agents, they'll turn evil, and they'll no longer stop us from committing crimes!

Chameleon: Oh, Bird Brain, that plan is genius.

Snaptrap: I wish I could say the same about stuffing kitchen utensils under my briefs. There's a crab cracker in a very tendered spot.

Wanna-Bee: Wait! The Rumble Bee?! That's my brother, the one who went to the Amazon without me! [groans] He must've been sprayed by those scientists and turned into a killer bee! THIS IS SO UNFAIR! [to Dudley and Kitty] The Rumble Bee doesn't need to be a killer bee. [to the viewers] He's already super bad! HE'S A MONSTER!

Kitty: Forget about the snack pockets. Dudley shouldn't be playing with dangerous equipment. We're talking about a guy who eats crayons on a daily basis.

Dudley: They make going to the bathroom colorful. Besides, all I did was create that frightening and mysterious hole in the air.

Keswick: Oh, no! This is terrible. You got… [stutters] crayon on my lab coat!

• Jerry Trainor – Dudley Puppy, Wanna-Bee
• Grey Delisle-Griffin – Kitty Katswell, Tammy, Zippy, Little Chipmunk Girl, R.I.T.A., Wolf Spitzer's Daughter
• Jeff Glen Bennett – Keswick, Larry, Ollie, Agent Nutz, Sharing Moose, Toby Finkle
• Daran Norris – The Chief, Francisco, The Chameleon, Wolf Spitzer, Meerkat
• Maddie Taylor – Verminious Snaptrap, Quacky the Duck
• Rob Paulsen – Bird Brain
• Leslie Carrara-Rudolph – Peg Puppy, Mrs. Spitzer
• Butch Hartman – Escape Goat
• Carlos Alazraqui – Stink Bug
• Candi Milo – Lunch Lady Bug, The Queen