To get a vector holding the max of the off-diagonal elements of each col or row of a matrix requires a few more steps. I was directed here when searching for help on that. Perhaps others will do the same, so I offer this solution, which I found using what I learned here. 
The trick is to create a matrix of only the off-diagonal elements. Consider:
> A <- matrix(c(10,2,3, 4,10,6, 7,8,10), ncol=3)
> A
     [,1] [,2] [,3]
[1,]   10    4    7
[2,]    2   10    8
[3,]    3    6   10
> apply(A, 2, max)
[1] 10 10 10
Subsetting using the suggested indexing, A[row(A)!=col(A)] produces a vector of off-diagonal elements, in column-order:
> v <- A[row(A)!=col(A)]
> v
[1] 2 3 4 6 7 8
Returning this to a matrix allows the use of apply() to  apply a function of choice to a margin of only off-diagonal elements. Using the max function as an example:
> A.off <- matrix(v, ncol=3)
> A.off
     [,1] [,2] [,3]
[1,]    2    4    7
[2,]    3    6    8
> v <- apply(A.off, 2, max)
> v
[1] 3 6 8
The whole operation can be compactly—and rather cryptically—coded in one line:
> v <- apply(matrix(A[row(A)!=col(A)], ncol=ncol(A)), 2, max)
> v
[1] 3 6 8