I know there are other questions and even a Github issue about this, but I've tried all of the given answers and they don't work.
These are the contents of the relevant files:
/etc/hostname
DESKTOP-42IRGSE/etc/hosts
127.0.0.1 localhost DESKTOP-42IRGSE # The following lines are desirable for IPv6 capable hosts ::1 ip6-localhost ip6-loopback fe00::0 ip6-localnet ff00::0 ip6-mcastprefix ff02::1 ip6-allnodes ff02::2 ip6-allrouters ff02::3 ip6-allhosts/etc/resolv.conf
# DO NOT EDIT THIS FILE BY HAND -- YOUR CHANGES WILL BE OVERWRITTEN nameserver 195.130.131.1 nameserver 195.130.130.1 search home
DESKTOP-42IRGSE is indeed my computer's name, and the ips 195.130.131.1 and 195.130.130.1 match the DNS Servers in cmd's ipconfig /all.
Some debug command attempts:
root@DESKTOP-42IRGSE:~# ifconfig
Warning: cannot open /proc/net/dev (No such file or directory). Limited output.
root@DESKTOP-42IRGSE:~# ip link
SO_SNDBUF: Invalid argument
root@DESKTOP-42IRGSE:~# ping www.google.com
ping: unknown host www.google.com
root@DESKTOP-42IRGSE:~# ping 8.8.8.4 (or any other IP)
Do you want to ping broadcast? Then -b
Running apt-get update results in the same error as in the linked Github issue. I have disabled my firewall.