Community/Season 6

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Community (2009–2015) is an American sitcom that premiered on NBC and Yahoo Screen about students at a community college in the fictional city of Greendale, Colorado. The show would run for six seasons on NBC and Yahoo Screen, hence the #sixseasonsandamovie hashtag.

Dean Pelton: Welcome back to Greendale, now ranking fifth on Colorado's alphabetical list of community colleges! Rest in peace, Bad Boy Slim's DJ School. This school owes its debt to its following heroes: Jeff Winger, a teacher so dedicated to clean energy, he's already parking his car like it's electric. Britta Perry, currently raising awareness of homelessness - not like she has a choice. Abed Nadir, who actually wrote this announcement for the sake of, as he put it, "catching everyone up". And Annie Edison, who led the effort to save Greendale from 534 critical emergencies.

Annie: 534...?

Frankie: Okay, so I took an informal survey to get a sense of how Greendale is perceived, and three themes emerged: weird, passionate and gross. In marketing, it's what we call the "Good Belushi". If I had a magic wand, I would use it to make sure that Greendale never had to grow up. I would also probably use it to cut the Magic Wand class that I noticed is actually offered here, as well as VCR Repair, a class called Ladders, and When is it Okay to Shake a Baby? In terms of hierarchy, I'm a big believer in it. Someone needs to say I'm in charge, and that person is me. That's my decision. That doesn't mean we don't work together, but all communication and decisions will go through me. I'll send out an email later to set up our next meeting.

Abed: It's not their fault, Frankie. I chose this. These are my friends. I hate emailing Diane; she can't commit to a font. It's pathological, and so am I. This is where I belong.

Frankie: I know you think that, Abed, but you don't know any better.

[awkward silence]

Leonard: Whoops.

Frankie: Shut up, Leonard! You are...you are old! And you deserve less because of your age! I don't - I don't actually believe that; I'm just trying - I'm just trying to... And everyone here is a...is a fart! A livid fart from the butt of a lesser god! And I'm - I'm better than this... [Frankie leaves]

Frankie: In terms of hierarchy, I'm a big believer in it. Someone needs to say I'm in charge, and that person is me. That's my decision.

Employer: ...Wait, what?

Frankie: I'm sorry...?

Employer: Who talks like that? Why would anyone hire someone so pompous? Miss Dart, word of advice: start changing your personality, or start looking for companies run by insane people.

[as if on cue, Jeff and Abed burst into the room]

Jeff: DON'T HIRE THIS WOMAN!

Abed: Fifth time's the charm. He barged into four other offices screaming, "DON'T HIRE THIS WOMAN!"

Employer: What the hell is going on?!

Frankie: What are you doing here? How did you even find me?

Abed: I emailed Diane. She knows way too much about your schedule, by the way.

Jeff: Whatever he's offering you, Greendale...well, we can't double it. We probably can't even match it. Whatever he's offering you, Greendale will give you less - and an apology.

Employer: Do you know-?

Frankie: [shushes the employer] It's not enough. But maybe if you added more apologies...

Abed: Like, a montage of them?

Jeff & Abed: ...We're sorry.

Dean Pelton: JESUS WEPT!

Frankie: He deleted the serial number; Jeff, help me out here!

Jeff: I don't get paid enough for this...

Frankie: How much do you think you're going to get paid if I have to find five grand in the budget?

Jeff: You're not the new Annie. You're the new Abed.

Frankie: I don't know what that means yet.

Frankie: I found the smell. Someone filed a taco. Things that will otherwise get filed straight to my thighs.

Annie: Hmm. So I know you agree with me that we need to find the truth, but...do you agree that the truth won't be horrible?

Frankie: I'm not psychic, Annie; that's an illusion caused by extreme preparedness.

Annie: But...what do you hope is true?

Frankie: Oh God, no. I never hope. Hope is pouting in advance. Hope is faith's richer, bitchier sister. Hope is the deformed addict-bound incest monster offspring of entitlement and fear. My life results tripled the year I gave up hope and every game on my phone that had to do with farming. What's true will be true, Annie. Our job is to deal with that truth.

Annie: You sound a little like Jeff.

Frankie: Jeff said I sound like Abed. I wonder if Britta thinks I sound like Chang. I assume Chang thinks I sound like distant explosions and crying babies; you know he's unstable, right?

Annie: Yep.

Dean Pelton: Get ready, America! Dean Pelton is coming out as approximately two-sevenths of what he is!

Jeff: Did you just try to murder me? Are you trying to murder me? You're trying as hard as you can right now to kill me. Okay, well... I guess I'll see you in class tomorrow? Guy who tried to murder me...

Willy: Oh, I'll see you in class tomorrow, Mr. Winger. I will see you...

Dean Pelton: Britta, you saw what they did to the lunch lady. You wanna guess how much better my emails are? You want me to call a press conference and say, "now do me"?

Britta: No! I'll do it. [stands up] Let them leak me!

Annie: [stands up] I'm not letting you do this alone.

Frankie: Screw it. [stands up] I'm in.

Abed: [stands up] Someone has to be the last one that stands up, and now, that someone isn't me.

Chang: [stands up] I kinda zoned out. I assume we're standing to go see Avengers?

Elroy: These guys are giving hackers a bad name. [stands up] And "hacker" is already such a dumb name.

Jeff: I'm not an idealist; I'm a pragmatist. And it's never pragmatic to piss you guys off, so... [stands up] Fine.

Dean Pelton: Guys, this is so inspiring. I guess...just let me know how it goes. No matter what happens, I'm with you! But don't tell anyone I'm with you; if you do, I'll deny it. But I'm with you here and now! Not literally "here and now"; right now, I'm leaving. But I will always have been with you secretly- bye.

Annie: Britta, remember that guy you were in love with, but your love was torn asunder because he was the human incarnation of a certain sandwich franchise?

Britta: I-

Annie: Don't say it! Never say that name without compensation! I know how much that experience hurt you, which is why I'm warning you that I just saw him in the parking lot.

Britta: [gasps]

Annie: Breathe. The self-destructive part of you wants to run straight to him, but we need to be smarter than that, right?

Britta: Right. Thank you, Annie.

Annie: Now, I have one more class, but if you could wait...[turns around] 40 minutes, I will meet-

[Britta takes off towards the parking lot]

Annie: Nuh-uh!

Annie: Get to the escape pods!

Britta: You really picked that outfit?

Annie: Britta!

Jeff: It's Meridian. Keep going.

Britta: Insane. And what is your name - "Exploitia"?

Annie: Scorpio Nine! I'm a pleasure droid! No, I'm an assassin?

Jeff: You're both. Keep going. She was a pleasure droid, she got turned into an assassin, she's now the daughter; that's your sister.

Annie: Get to the escape pods! And then we go! This way!

Abed: Check on Chief Star, Jeff.

Jeff: Chief Starr?

Chang: What?

Jeff: I'll see you in hell.

Chang: What?

Jeff: [gasps] Oh no, grifters! I better watch my French fries unless... [gasps] Counterfeit! Where'd you learn to do that?

Abed: We didn't learn anything. That class is-

Jeff: A ripoff? Hmm, what's another word for that?

Elroy: All he did was throw his hat and make us pass briefcases.

Abed: And he kept trying to sell us stuff. Briefcase swapping talcum for "grifter's palm", briefcase hinge oil for silence switcheroos, and something called extra-believable socks. Those are actually half-off; I kind of feel like I grifted him.

Jeff: So, in a sense, what happened is you took a class about grifting. And...

Annie: Jeff, do you really need us to say it? You were-

Jeff: Eh, whoa, whoa! Yeah, I need you to say it. Let me just get settled. Okay, go.

Annie: You were right.

Jeff: [tenses up in pleasure] Yeah... Well, you live and you learn, guys. Well, you live anyway.

Frankie: ...And that solves the matter of the giant hand. If there's no other business-

Dean Pelton: Oh, there's some business.

Abed: Yeah, there's business. When we tie the hand to the roof, we'd like you to use extra thick straps, please.

Dean Pelton: Extra thick.

Abed: Extra thick straps!

Dean Pelton: Reinforced.

Jeff: Alright, meeting adjourned. Great. [gets stunned by Dean Pelton's taser] AAGH!

Abed & Dean Pelton: [chanting while dancing] Extra thick straps! Extra thick straps! Extra thick straps! Extra thick straps!

[Thirty standard galactic time units later...]

Space Elder Frankie: So sad what happened here, all those centons ago.

Space Elder Abed: So sad. So preventable.

Space Elder Frankie: Space Elder Abed, can you reach backwards with your mind and save our species?

Space Elder Abed: I can.

Space Elder Britta: I'm Space Elder Britta! [pause] What are you guys talking about?

Frankie: Names. Give me names or you're expelled; that's simple.

Starburns: I told ya, I don't know nothing about no secret paintball games. This is from huffing paint, I swear!

Frankie: Escort Alex Osborne off campus.

Starburns: Hey, hey, hey! Hold your horse panties! You didn't tell me you knew my name! Look, I was about to take Todd out and then we both got shot. Guy was invisible - a ghost. Uses silver bullets.

Frankie: A ghost. So no name?

Starburns: I'd call him "Silver Ghost", but that's probably already taken by an indie comic book or a terrible tequila.

Frankie: Bye forever, Starburns.

Starburns: No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Annie: Do you want flashy forward, or cherry and classic?

Britta: Do you have black?

[Annie gives a beleaguered sigh]

Britta: That's a no. That beleaguered sigh means, "no, I can't have black nails".

Abed: Don't look at the camera.

Annie: You absolutely can, and we all will when our bodies decompose.

Abed: Please don't Jim the camera like that.

Annie: Jim the camera?

Britta: The color black hasn't had anything to do with death or edginess since '89. My accountant has black nails.

Annie: Your what?!

Britta: Don't jump on that. My accountant; it's a figure of speech.

Annie: It's a form of speech called "making things up".

[there's a knock on Abed's apartment door]

Britta: Abed, can you get that?

Abed: I can film you getting it.

Britta: It's open!

Annie: Is it?

Britta: I dunno; let's see.

[Frankie walks through the door holding her dress on a hanger]

Annie & Britta: Frankie!

Frankie: So I didn't put my wedding clothes on, like you said. So we can get dressed together and be girls together. This is gonna be fun.

[cut to Frankie's interview with Abed]

Frankie: Annie and Britta told me to come over and get ready with them for Garrett's wedding. I didn't say no. Who says no to something like that? A cold, off-putting, incompatible person. The kind of person that turns a sleepover into a-a-a stoning. I had rocks thrown at me. Biblical, igneous, jagged, hateful, pointy, ninja rocks, and that's not gonna happen again.

Jeff: I love that I got to be with you guys.

Chang: Gay.

Jeff: You saved my life, and changed it forever.

Chang: Gayyyy!

Jeff: Thank you.

[the group embrace for one final group hug]

Chang: [sobbing] I'm gay... I'm for real gay... I'M LEGIT GAY...!