Ghosts (Season 4)

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Ghosts (2021–present) is an American single-camera sitcom, airing on CBS, about a young couple whose dreams come true when they inherit a beautiful country house, only to find it's both falling apart and inhabited by many of the deceased previous residents.

Isaac: Who wouldn't enjoy staring at the gorgeous porcelain skin?

Patience: It is from the blood button that killed me.

Hetty: Just like that, we're back.

Pete: Ghost scapegoating you should be ashamed of yourself. Ah, Escape ghosting, I missed it.

Samantha: Hi, Frank.

Frank: Hi, Sam.

Ghosts: Yay!

Patience: She's a witch.

Isaac: How Halloween is that?

Isaac: The new Isaac says "Long hair, don't care!".

Isaac: New do, new you.

Alberta: Sam, you should do audition.

Samantha: No. This isn't some Rinky Dink production. They performed at the mall.

Ghosts: Jay, watch out!

[Jay steps on the snail with his shoe, but it turns out the snail is a ghost.]

Hetty: I should call you the "Escarghost".

Isaac: A dinosaur bed.

Hetty: It says "For Ages 5 & Up".

Isaac: Yes. 5 & Up.

Isaac: I do like pretending to be the tongue.

Trevor: Hard agreed.

Ghosts: Yes!

Alberta: Pete's inside of Jay.

Isaac: We have a double possession.

Pete: I hope it's soon.

Isaac: Don't like the sound of that.

Thorfinn: Disappointed.

Hetty: Huzzah!

Isaac: Huzzah!

Jay: February 13, 2025.

Flower: February 13, 2025.

Jay: I said "I love good fellas".

Pete: It was a little violent for my taste.

Thorfinn: Paw Patrol violent for your taste.

Isaac: Tonight, I should tell you the tale of why I hate Alexander Hamilton.

Ghosts: No, don't!

Hetty: Yes, please.

Pete: Man, it feels good to spread joy. This must be what Johnny Appleseed felt like, you get an apple tree, you get an apple tree, you get an apple tree.

Isaac: He lived to be 84?! What was he, a sorcerer?

Flower: Is that a bird?

Hetty: It's a plane!

Isaac: No. It's a stripper!

Jay: So there's just some hot, invisible Australian guy hanging around now?... Are you blushing?

Samantha: No!

Sunil: Can I offer you some coffee?

Hetty: No, thank you. It...it goes right through me.

Hetty: I'm sadly unable to interact with the physical world, which I discovered moments ago after attempting to access Samantha's pill cabinet.

Sasappis: What if it's because it's St. Patrick's Day, and you're Irish?

Hetty: Interesting. But then why has this never happened before?

Alberta: Maybe because you never saw the Irish as people before? But now that you do, you can also be seen?

Sunil: [describing Hetty] A woman of true refined elegance and perfect posture. A true throwback. Aside from some wildly progressive views on recreational drug use.

Jay: Why do the ghosts always wanna date my family?

Jay: Man, it's harder to say no to them when you can see them and hear them.

Samantha: This is what I've been telling you.

Joan: Cute and gullible. Just my type.

Trevor: Hey. I was a tug-of-war anchor at Camp Ramah.

Sasappis: So how long are you in town? I know Pete has to go home, you know, every few days to recharge once he starts to disappear.

Joan: It's kind of like when you're 8 years old and you have your first martini, you get drunk right away. But then by the time you're 13, a girl can really hold her liquor.

Alberta: Thor, you jumped behind me when that guy pulled out a ghost gun?

Hetty: It was really quite pitiful.

Trevor: Do you think I'm a selfish, capitalist pig?

Hetty: Of course. It's one of your only redeeming qualities. Why do you ask?

Trevor: Because Flower said I should be more charitable.

Hetty: The poor are always suggesting that the rich be more charitable, when the truth is, if they simply invested their money rather than wasting it on frivolities like bread and kindling, they wouldn't need a handout.

Flower: Capitalism isn't fair, Trevor. And now you know that.

Hetty: This is why you don't give money to the poor.

Trevor: What?!

Jay: No pants.

Hetty: I'm desperate for it.

Flower: It's 4:20 and you're dead. Live a little.

Kyle: Hi, I'm Kyle.

Jay: Hi, Kyle, welcome to Woodstone.

Thorfinn: Kyle is a dumb name.

Isaac: Well, it matches his dumb back purse.

Kyle: Yeah well, at least I'm alive.

Hetty: You cannot deny that those are stableboy cheekbones.

Hetty: Do not deny us our butler! Not when the dream of the perpetual Hot Pocket is finally within reach!

Jay: Alright, let's go to the zoo!

Samantha: No, I made that up. I just wanted to have a private conversation without the ghosts hearing us.

Jay: So no zoo? Ah man, I really wanted some Dip'n'Dots.

...

Jay: [Isaac]'s gonna be so bummed. Which I can relate to as a man who thought he was gonna see tigers today.

Pete: It's gonna be fun. Who doesn't like fun?

Pete: Pretty sure that's just paprika.

Patience: It's not a day of humiliation without witnesses.

Samantha: [reading] No ex-saguination without representation!

Bela: Where does the blood come from?

Jay: We don't ask that question. There are no good answers.

Jay: May the sales of this book begin to remotely offset the amount of money we've lost on ghosts.

Jay: Speak of the devil, here he is now!