The Ren & Stimpy Show/Season 5

Ren & Stimpy Seasons: 1/2/3/4/ Others: Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon"

The Ren & Stimpy Show is an American animated television series created by John Kricfalusi for Nickelodeon. The series follows the adventures of titular characters Ren, an emotionally unstable chihuahua, and Stimpy, a good-natured, dimwitted cat.

Ren: YOU!!! You're the culprit! Just look at this place! Hairy furniture... Hairy FOOD... Your smelly old hair is EVERYWHERE!!! It was you... all along.

[Ren is discussing with Stimpy about Sid.]

Ren: Okay, one more time, if you let the little monster come near me again, I'll...

Stimpy: Uh... Oh yeah! Kill me slow.

Ren: And...

Stimpy: Take my show away from me?

[Sid is looking at Ren's butt.]

Sid: Hmm, smooth butt. I heard of that.

Ren: And... [Sid bites Ren's butt, making him scream in pain]

Stimpy: Oh good! He's teething!

[Ren comes home to find out that Stimpy and Sid have made a mess of the house.]

Ren: THAT'S IT!!! I've had enough of you and your stupid pet! THERE'S TOOTHPASTE ALL OVER THE HOUSE!!! THE TOILET SEAT IS ALWAYS UP!!! AND HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF CLOWN PANTS NOWADAYS?! AND PLAYING WITH MY STUFF IS STRICTLY... VERBOTEN!!!!

[Upon hearing Ren say "verboten", Sid roars viciously and precedes to maul Ren as he screams.]

Stimpy: Now, Ren, you should refrain from using any Slavic dialects. Sid is a German attack clown.

[Open in on a shot of Ren and Stimpy's house, a giant barrel, Fade to inside the house; Ren is reading the morning paper while Stimpy crawls into the scene groaning while looking groggy and disheveled]

Stimpy: What a night. I feel like I got hit by a bus.

Ren: Funny you should say that. According to the obituaries, you were.

[Cut to a picture of Stimpy in the paper's obituaries with the headline "STIMPLETON CADOGEN HIT BY BUS!!!", Wipe transition to Stimpy going through the fridge with Ren next to him]

Ren: You know, you ougta be more careful. All this dying might be bad for your health.

Stimpy: [with a frozen chicken strapped to his head] Not to worry, Ren. I'm a cat. I got nine lives. [holds up three fingers]

Ren: Nine, huh? You've been keeping count.

Stimpy: Hmm...Good question. Let's see now. There was that really cold night when I...fell asleep under the hood of your car!

[Cut to a flashback. Stimpy is sleeping and shivering by the motor in Ren's car. We hear the car doors opening and closing. We then cut to Ren outside turning on the ignition. The car starts and we hear a cat screech as Stimpy's fur flies out of the hood. We cut back to Ren and Stimpy in the present]

Stimpy: Then, there was that silly incident down Mexico way.

[Cut to another flash back. We see a Mexican bandito tied up on the firing line. A Mexican general gives a command]

General: Ready...

[The wind blows the bandito's sombrero off of his head. It lands on the ground by Ren and Stimpy, who are wearing Hawaiian shirts and taking pictures. Stimpy notices the sombrero at his feet]

General: [Offscreen] Aim... [Stimpy picks up the sombrero and runs offscreen]

Stimpy: Señor, uh, you dropped your el hatto! I'll get it for ya!

General: [Offscreen] FIRE!

[Ren's eyes pop open. He looks back as a hail of gunfire is heard from offscreen. Ren looks back shocked, then smiles and takes a photograph. The flash illuminates the screen to reveal a photo of Stimpy and the bandito smiling and covered in bullet holes. Cut to Ren and Stimpy looking through a photo album.]

Stimpy: Oh, here's one. Remember that time I got hit by lightning?

[Cut to a picture of Stimpy burnt to a crip while golfing with Ren.]

Ren: How 'bout that time you took care of those gambling debts for me?

[Pan down to a photo of Stimpy at the bottom of the ocean wearing not only concerete boots, but a concrete coat, hat and umbrella.]

Stimpy: And don't forget our trip to the Amazon.

[Pan down to a photo of Ren and Stimpy in the Amazon, with Stimpy having been consumed by a python.]

Ren: Oh yeah, and that day you went out with the weat hair during the blizzard of '69.

[Cut to a flashback. Stimpy steps out of the shower and walks outisde into the cold. He walks out into the street and gets hit by a bus. Cut back to the present.]

Stimpy: So let's see. That makes...Um...Hmm...[thinks]...Sixty-twelve!

Ren: That's seven, you fathead.

Stimpy: Yeah, seven. [laughs]

Ren: Well, I got news for you, pal. You've only got two lives left. And if you buy the farm, that means I gotta do all the chores. We don't want that now, do we? [Stimpy blinks his eyes] Now be an imbecile and go light the furnace so I can take my bath.

[Stimpy goes down into the basement and sees the heater with a sign on it reading "DANGER". He tries with all his might to twist the valve on a pipe, but he can't move it.]

Stimpy: Ah, valve's stuck. [holds up a pipe wrench] This oughta do it. [repeatedly bangs on the pipe with the wrench until it is all bent up and gas is leaking out of it] Ahh, that's better. [Stimpy lights a match up toward the heater as gas begins filing the room. Dramatic music plays, implying that Stimpy will bet blown up by the gas leak. Suddenly, what appears to be a large rock falls from above and crushes Stimpy. Cut to an airplane flying through the air. Cut to inside the plane, where the sign outisd ethe lavatory changes from "Occupied" to "Vacant". Mr. Horse walks out of the lavatory dressed in a pilot uniform.]

Mr. Horse: Man, this airline food goes right through you. [Mr. Horse walks out of the frame. Cut back to Stimpy, still crushed under the "rock". Ren pokes his head into the frame, wearing a shower cap.]

Ren: Well, that's eight. You only got one life left.

[Stimpy is having a nightmare over accidentally stealing a scooter.]

Old Woman: That's him! Stealing scooters on Yaksmas! SHAME ON YOU!

Stimpy: But- But, I--

Shaven Yak: I stayed up for a week chewing all that gum for you!

Ren: I'm glad I forgot to get you that stupid scooter! You don't deserve it!

Cop: I was gonna buy that scooter for my sick little kid! And now look at her!

[Enter the cop's daughter, who is in the form of a demented marionette.]

Marionette: [laughs insanely] Now look at me! Now look at me! NOW LOOK AT ME! [laughs insanely]

Stimpy: I can explain! I--

[Stimpy gets slammed by a very large gavel, which belongs to the judge, Stinky Whizzleteats.]

Stinky: Stimpson J. Cat, you stand accused of stealing a $39 scooter. How do you plead?

Stimpy: Listen your honor, I--[his tongue reveals the words "guilty as sin" printed on it; he exclaims in shock]

Stinky: Foreman Yak, how do you find the thieving rat?

[We see the jury, which consists of twelve yaks, with their stand titling them as "12 Angry Yaks". One of the yaks, the foreman yak, stands up, and speaks.]

Foreman Yak: Guilty, of scootercide in the first degree.

Stinky: Very well. [points at Stimpy] For your crimes against humanity, your sentence is... INFINITY IN [echoing] PRISON!

[Stimpy gets locked in a jail cell.]

Stimpy: [crying] BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO TAKE IT!!!!

Fat oaf: So let me get this straight. You're a CIA agent sent by the Queen of America to deliver this top-secret scooter to the West Pole?

Stimpy: Yes. To the big chief spy himself, Stinky Wizzleteats!

[last lines in the series]

Ren: Don't worry, Stimpy! I'll save you..... [Ren looks a motorcycle, two roller skates, a red car with a lady standing next to it and looks back at Stimpy, who is still choking. He dreams of riding around in the red car.] I'll, uhhh, go or help!

[Ren runs to Wilbur Cobb, who picks him up by the neck.]

Wilbur Cobb: So, back to your ol' tricks, EH JOHNNY?!? Are you gonna let your friend Snoopy choke? Are you gonna do the right thing? [Ren punches Stimpy and spits the leg of ham out of his mouth.] Good work, Skippy! And as a reward, you get the spend the next 15 years with your stupid friend there. [Wilbur Cobb slams his rake on Ren's head.] Of course, there's the matter of all these worldly goods and seeing as they were all bought with ill gotten gains, I'll have to take everything as evidence, goodbye.

[Wilbur drives off with all their stuff and a lady. Ren and Stimpy start crying.]

Stimpy: Aw, raggy!

[Iris out, ending the series.]